CollegeHumor: The bible http://www.collegehumor.com/tag/the-bible Funny Videos, Funny Pictures, Funny Links! /article/6687990 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6687990/guest-complaints-from-the-bethlehem-inn Guest Complaints from the Bethlehem Inn Tue, 10 Jan 2012 16:46:22 -0500
...]]> /article/6573664 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6573664/bible-stories Bible Stories Tue, 26 Jul 2011 17:40:06 -0400 I

King Solomon: Hmmm…Then we shall cut this baby in half!

Both Mothers: What? No!

King Solomon: Aha! Clearly you are the real mother!

Both Mothers: Both of us?

King Solomon: Wait, no. Whichever one of you was against cutting the baby up. You...]]> /article/6324298 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6324298/jesus-awkward-homecoming Jesus' Awkward Homecoming Wed, 27 Oct 2010 16:22:13 -0400 God: Hey kiddo! Welcome back up!

Jesus: …

God: Man, you look great! Long time no see. You want some ice cream? I’ll get us some ice cream.

Jesus: So…crucifixion, huh?

God: Oh…what? Oh man! That’s, uh, terrible! I had no idea. Wow, that sucks!

Jesus: I think you had some idea…

God: Well, I uh-

Jesus: You know, being God and all. Omniscient. Lord of all creation. Feel like you may have heard.

God: Well, maybe a vague inkling, I suppose-

Jesus: It was kind of like a big deal. They made a book about it. The Book. 

God: Yeah?
...]]> /article/6284036 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6284036/promised-land Promised Land Fri, 10 Sep 2010 18:52:52 -0400 God: Hey, so Moses, sorry about the forty years of wandering. That was maybe six years over the line.

Moses: But not the slavery, huh?

God: Eh.

Moses: Okay. Well, at least it’s worth it, right? Why, a land flowing with milk and honey-

God: Yeah, um, its just sand.

Mos...]]> /article/6108374 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6108374/the-new-testament The New Testament Sat, 29 May 2010 22:44:59 -0400

God: Hey Jews.

Jews: Hey.

God: So listen, guys, I’m thinking we go in a different direction with this whole religion.

Jews: What?
...]]> /article/6011890 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/6011890/the-adventures-of-god The Adventures of God Thu, 01 Apr 2010 17:51:31 -0400 I

God: Noah, all the people of earth are sinners. You alone are righteous.

Noah: Thanks God. Long time fan, first time prophet.

God: So, I have decided to smite the entire world with a flood.

(pause)

Noah: Couldn’t you just teach man goodness?

God: No. I’m thinking “flood.”

Noah: So you’d rather just kill every-

God: What part of “flood” do you not understand?

 

II

God: Moses…I have seen the plight of the Jews in Egypt.

Moses: Wow. Only after, uh, 400 years there, right?

God: Yes.

Moses: Awesome.

God: I will take you out of Egypt after ten terrible, terrible plagues.

Moses: …ten?

God: Is there a problem?

Moses: It’s just…ten is a lot. For, you know, God. Couldn’t you get this done in like, two plagues max?

God: No. For you see, Moses, I will harden Pharaoh’s heart against me.

Moses: So…you are going to stop him from letting us free from slavery.

God: Yes.

Moses: So you can bring more terrible, terrible plagues upon the people.

God: Yes.
...]]> /article/5858496 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5858496/the-first-fail The First FAIL Mon, 04 Jan 2010 05:07:23 -0500

]]> /article/5802455 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5802455/if-the-bible-was-magazines If The Bible Was Magazines Mon, 30 Nov 2009 15:26:27 -0500
...]]> /article/5291929 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5291929/how-god-really-feels-about-gay-sex How God Really Feels About Gay Sex Wed, 22 Jul 2009 15:14:46 -0400
The Garden of Eden, day ten or so.


God: Adam, there’s something we need to talk about.


Adam: Sure, what’s up?

...]]> /article/5279200 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/5279200/the-first-evangelist The First Evangelist Sun, 19 Jul 2009 20:17:54 -0400
Gog:  Good morning, Flock!  Have you heard the good news?


Flock:  What good news?


Gog:  About how we all came into existence.


Flock:  What do you mean?  I thought we all fell out of our mothers’ crotch flaps.
...]]> /article/4034747 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/4034747/the-one-hit-wonder-ten-commandments The 'One Hit Wonder' Ten Commandments Tue, 19 May 2009 15:27:15 -0400




Illustrated by Breanna Goodrow
...]]> /article/3739519 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3739519/the-facebook-of-genesis The Facebook of Genesis Mon, 10 Nov 2008 07:52:42 -0500



]]> /article/3717388 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3717388/leap-frog Leap Frog Mon, 27 Oct 2008 11:29:46 -0400
...]]> /article/3688762 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3688762/the-first-sex-talk The First Sex Talk Sun, 19 Oct 2008 18:11:31 -0400


God nervously paces back and forth in front of Adam and Eve.


God: We need to talk. You both have been alive for a full three weeks now, and you may have started to notice certain, um, urges when you’re around each other.
...]]> /article/3683109 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3683109/if-the-bible-had-comments If The Bible Had Comments Wed, 15 Oct 2008 13:53:59 -0400

]]> /article/3489575 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3489575/modern-bible Modern Bible Mon, 07 Jul 2008 23:18:40 -0400 Jesus and the Leper, Mark 1:40-47

…40 And there came a leper to him, beseeching him, and kneeling down to him, and saying unto him, if though wilt, thou canst make me clean.  41 And Jesus, moved with compassion, put forth his hand, and saith unto him, I will; dost thou have insurance? 42 And the leper saith unto him, Yes. I have Empire Blue Cross.  43 And Jesus asked of the leper, Dost thou have the PPO or the HMO? 44 And the leper saith unto him, I have the HMO. 45 And Jesus saith unto him, I am sorry, my child, but heal you I cannot, for I only accept Empire Blue Cross’ PPO plan.  46 And the leper wept, but Jesus saith unto him, Perhaps another messiah will be along who accepts your plan.  47 And he sent the leper away from him. 
...]]>