CollegeHumor: The Morning After 24 http://www.collegehumor.com/tag/the-morning-after-24 Funny Videos, Funny Pictures, Funny Links! /article/1077670 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/1077670/the-morning-after-24---finale The Morning After: 24 -- Finale Tue, 22 May 2007 02:07:14 -0400

It’s 4:00 am in post-quasiapocalyptic Los Angeles, meaning nobody’s up except for people with shitty jobs, stoners looking for Del Taco, and the cast of 24. The situation is grim: Cheng’s getting his component fixed, the Russians are pissed, Josh is about to get shipped to China and probably get molested by Papa Bauer, and I have no idea what’s happened on Heroes since January. Only three things give me hope: Milo is still dead, Nadia’s sticking with the tight black sweater, and Jack Bauer is on the motherfucking case.
...]]> /article/1052090 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/1052090/the-morning-after-24-514 The Morning After: 24 (5/14) Tue, 15 May 2007 02:32:58 -0400

The ep opens with a pretty badass sequence of events at CTU. You knew the Chinese dudes really hadn’t thought this thing through, considering that they kept walking through shitwater on the way over when they could have avoided it all by walking on the side things, so their demise comes as no shock. Liu bitch-slaps Nadia and the hostages are verbally abused while Josh gets spirited away to appease Phillip Bauer.
...]]> /article/1021983 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/1021983/the-morning-after-24-57 The Morning After: 24 (5/7) Tue, 08 May 2007 02:01:18 -0400


...]]> /article/993919 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/993919/the-morning-after-24-430 The Morning After: 24 (4/30) Tue, 01 May 2007 02:03:56 -0400

This episode was so good that even Washington was interesting. Powers takes a call from Russian President Suvarov, who subtly informs him that (1) he knows that the Chinese have the component thing, (2) that we have a military base in Central Asia (what? where?), and (3) that if we don’t fix number (1), he’s going to fucking destroy number (2). Powers has the right answer, that none of this would have happened if the Russians kept tabs on Boris the Blade, who a few hours ago almost blew up California, but no dice, it’s almost WW3 all over again. There’s no way the Russians should have known about the Chinese or the component, so Lennox suspects a spy, and pretty much instantly discovers it’s some lobbyist named Mark who gave Lisa Miller a spicy eight-minute bone in the first part of the show! More great work by the CIA, by the way, who apparently knew this guy was working for the Russians a couple years ago but let it slide. Go back to leaning on your shovels, assholes. Later on, Lisa returns to the White House for some very creepy breathing by Powers, now in full-on Senator Roark mode, who calls her on her sexual treason and threatens to throw the icy bitch in an old refrigerator if she doesn’t work with Lennox to un-fuck this whole debacle.
...]]> /article/954524 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/954524/morning-after-24-423-sucka Morning After: 24 (4/23, sucka) Tue, 24 Apr 2007 02:25:57 -0400

Going into this episode, I was pretty sure that Jack would begin the process of wasting a shitload of Chinese dudes. Yeah, he’s going to face some difficulties, but these fuckers are going down. He was going to kill everyone for the two years of torture bullshit anyway, and the Audrey-napping put it over the top, right? But then again, I also was pretty sure that Mirko Cro-Cop would not get his ass totally kicked by a Brazilian dude on Saturday, so who knows what the fuck is going on at this point. I’m basically trying to expect the unexpected. Did 24 deliver? Yes, just like Chinese food is delivered. This is not a racial slur, Chinese food actually is delivered regularly. However, if someone feels like a racial slur is involved here, I would totally go on an apology tour, but instead of hanging with Al Sharpton in Queens, I’d be drinking in Hong Kong with Hsu Chi or something. I’ll even wear an Imus wig if it will help this happen. You don’t think I’m serious about this? Then you don’t know me, foo.
...]]> /article/913919 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/913919/the-morning-after-24-416 The Morning After: 24 (4/16) Tue, 17 Apr 2007 01:59:14 -0400


...]]> /article/879966 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/879966/the-morning-after-24-49 The Morning After: 24 (4/9) Tue, 10 Apr 2007 02:44:47 -0400

This is the fucking 24 episode we’ve been waiting for! More ass gets kicked this hour than the whole season so far (and part of last season) put together. If you haven’t seen it yet, stop reading now. I’m totally fucking serious, find somebody with DVR or TiVo and do whatever it takes to watch this hour. I don’t care if you have to have sex you’re going to regret for the rest of your life in order to see it. Seriously, I don’t.
...]]> /article/846281 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/846281/the-morning-after-24-42 The Morning After: 24 (4/2) Tue, 03 Apr 2007 01:59:40 -0400

Keepin’ it real continues to go wrong for President Palmer, as Powers Boothe calls in the cabinet to relieve him of his job. After about a minute of deliberations, the cabinet (consisting of 13 old white dudes and one black chick with a blowout – dog, you gotta get more brothers on the cabinet, what were you thinking?) ends up in a tie, so Palmer’s safe… until Boothe reminds everyone that Karen Hayes resigned, so she can’t vote, leaving Palmer in the minority. While Karen stomps around so brusquely that little puffs of dust fly out of her orifices, Lennox recommends that they leave this mess up to the Supreme Court. Out of respect for his awesome work in Dragonslayer, the cabinet concurs, and this boring shit comes to a stop for a couple of minutes.
...]]> /article/815062 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/815062/the-morning-after-24-326 The Morning After: 24 (3/26) Tue, 27 Mar 2007 02:00:38 -0400

CTU goes all soap-opera this hour, with unfortunate results for everyone who respects Nadia as much as I do. At the office next door to CTU where the drone pilot was hanging out, Ricky’s friend from Division, Johnson, finds a chip that proves the Russians hacked into CTU without inside help, clearing Nadia. Johnson is trying to set Ricky up for failure, thinking that he’ll bury it to save his ass after going all KKK and sort of strangling her. Back at CTU, Johnson tells Milo about the chip, prompting Milo to try to kick Ricky’s ass with his arm in a sling (sure, ok), but it turns out Ricky isn’t a dick after all. He gave the chip to Morris to check it out, and Nadia is cleared and released by Buchanan. Nadia stays on the job, but tells Milo it ain’t happening, prompting Milo to slam her against the wall and roughly kiss her as only an extra-chromosome-having shoe-bomber-looking dago computer dork can. I was hoping that the whole Milo-Nadia thing was going to fizzle out once he didn’t defend her from charges of treason, but here we are. Welcome to hell, where Nadia will now spend every moment on screen getting groped by greasy Frankenstein.
...]]> /article/785622 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/785622/the-morning-after-24-319 The Morning After: 24 (3/19) Tue, 20 Mar 2007 01:55:01 -0400

The after-dinner hour starts with a heapin’ helping of panicky-terrorist time in the Mojave, as Gredenko freaks out about CTU finding out where he is, and Fayed promptly calls him a pussy and a fuckup as only Fayed can. The one nuke they managed to load onto a drone and arm gets launched, and they unload the other two back into suitcases and bolt. Gredenko’s stooge occupies himself with guiding the drone by remote and calling Gredenko every couple minutes to kiss his ass and make him feel better about the whole Fayed thing.
...]]> /article/755820 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/755820/the-morning-after-24-312 The Morning After: 24 (3/12) Tue, 13 Mar 2007 02:07:26 -0400




The shit is going down, and down hard, at the Russian consulate. None too pleased at Jack giving him non-elective Ronnie Lott surgery, Markov gets his pinky taped and orders Jack to be killed. However, he’s employed an idiot to do it, Vasily something, who decides to ask permission before pulling the trigger, just enough of a delay for Jack to Indy-style whip his belt around the guy’s wrist and shoot him dead. So, Jack’s on the loose, taking suckas hostage and demanding to use the phone.
...]]> /article/722560 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/722560/the-morning-after-24-36 The Morning After: 24 (3/6) Tue, 06 Mar 2007 02:27:35 -0500

What 24 frickin’ needs is to get the focus back on Jack. Too much of this season has been burned up on Morris drinking, McCarthy talking on the phone with Fayed, and the President getting betrayed by a bunch of white dorks I can’t believe he ever hired in the first place. Even Jack’s time has been watered down with all his family drama and post-traumatic stress disorder from having his hand fried and lightly gingered by the Chinese for the last couple years. If you’re playing a drinking game involving Jack kicking ass or saying “Dammit!”, you probably walked into this episode alarmingly sober.
...]]> /article/688698 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/688698/morning-after-24-226 Morning After: 24 (2/26) Tue, 27 Feb 2007 03:21:46 -0500

Bullshit. Far too much of this hour was spent with Morris screwing up on the job and having people figure out that he’s resumed drinking. It’s not clear whether he’s actually missing stuff or not, but Nadia’s nose (not a crazy big nose here or anything, she’s of Mexican descent and playing an Arab, not sure what the nose-norm is, but her nose is fine by me)
...]]> /article/652313 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/652313/morning-after-24-219 Morning After: 24 (2/19) Tue, 20 Feb 2007 02:31:49 -0500



...]]> /article/609589 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/609589/the-morning-after-24-212 The Morning After: 24 (2/12) Tue, 13 Feb 2007 02:26:46 -0500

Today is the longest day in Morris O’Brian’s life.  And he used to be married to Chloe, so there ya go. 
...]]> /article/566849 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/566849/the-morning-after-24-25 The Morning After 24 (2/5) Tue, 06 Feb 2007 03:20:25 -0500


The worst day ever for modern black America continues from noon to 1:00. President Palmer is starting to regret his decision to fill his staff with hobbit nazis, Curtis Manning remains dead, and Matrix guy has had his ass beat down by a group of Arabs with internet access. But the main story is Jack’s war against his own jacked-up family. Let’s recap, shall we?
...]]> /article/518098 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/518098/the-morning-after-24-129 The Morning After 24 (1/29) Tue, 30 Jan 2007 02:23:24 -0500   

From 11:00 a.m. to noon, it appears that everything has returned to normal in recently-nuked Los Angeles, where nobody is rioting and you can still drive from place to place.  We should nuke Los Angeles suburbs more often.  However, even under this thin veneer of fictional sanity, democracy takes several roundhouse kicks to the face, and it looks like we’re pretty much screwed for sure this time, even if Jack kills everyone.
...]]> /article/447599 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/447599/the-morning-after-24 The Morning After: 24 Tue, 23 Jan 2007 01:56:09 -0500


It’s 10:00, and the nation spends a few minutes reeling from the destruction of part of Valencia.  In the meantime, Jack takes a brief detour to help some guy out of a crashed helicopter, and then finally snaps out of his Chinese-induced funk to get back to the business of kicking ass.
...]]> /article/360503 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/360503/the-morning-after-24 The Morning After: 24 Tue, 16 Jan 2007 01:26:15 -0500




I have to admit, I’m a little wary of the new season of 24.  I mean, it’s already my favorite show, why do they think I need to hear how good it is from Stephen Fucking King?  If I want advice on Maine or a possessed car, I’ll call King, but that’s about it.  An endorsement from a weirdo billionaire who thinks America needs thousand page books about clowns is not a positive sign.  Why not have an endorsement from Nick Lachey saying, “This season of 24 is better than sex with Jessica Simpson”?  Hell, I’d watch Gilmore Girls if it had that going for it. 

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