CollegeHumor: The Morning After Heroes http://www.collegehumor.com/tag/the-morning-after-heroes Funny Videos, Funny Pictures, Funny Links! /article/4005549 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/4005549/the-morning-after-heroes-an-invisible-thread The Morning After Heroes: An Invisible Thread Tue, 28 Apr 2009 17:19:54 -0400



Last Week on Heroes: Mohinder was arrested and hauled off to Building 26 , which also happens to be the same number of times that has now happened. Sylar kept morphing into his dead mother so they could have imaginary conversations, presumably about opening an ominous roadside motel together. He was also masquerading as Senator Nathan Petrelli until Danko stabbed him in the back. (Of the head.)
...]]> /article/3970576 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3970576/the-morning-after-heroes-turn-and-face-the-strange The Morning After Heroes: Turn and Face the Strange Tue, 07 Apr 2009 13:51:24 -0400 Last Week on Heroes: Claire learned she’ll never be able to use date rape as an excuse in college. Danko and Sylar got so close they briefly grazed penises.





This Week: At the superhero hunting headquarters arbitrarily dubbed Building 26, Sandra Bennet stops by to tell her estranged husband Noah that he should probably maybe think about finding Claire at some point. But he’s distracted – still plagued by the suspicion that the Sylar in their bodybag isn’t the genuine article.
...]]> /article/3961238 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3961238/the-morning-after-heroes-into-asylum The Morning After Heroes: Into Asylum Tue, 31 Mar 2009 12:32:25 -0400



Last Week on Heroes: Daphne got to play among the stars for a little while until the writers re-killed her, and Micah, who looks like he just returned from filming “Honey I Shrunk Smokey Robinson!”, was exposed as REBEL.
...]]> /article/3950663 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3950663/the-morning-after-heroes-cold-snap The Morning After Heroes: Cold Snap Tue, 24 Mar 2009 11:35:54 -0400


The episode opens in Agent Danko’s bathroom (sexy!), where he’s in the middle of a shaving montage that’s been filmed like an action scene for some reason. I guess it makes sense though – for anyone as frail as Capt. Corpse, every little mundane activity must seem fraught with mortal peril. One slip of the razor and his jugular might wheeze a few drops of his “blood” onto the tile.
...]]> /article/3912781 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3912781/the-morning-after-heroes-cold-wars The Morning After Heroes: Cold Wars Tue, 24 Feb 2009 10:45:21 -0500



Previously on Heroes: After a mostly enjoyable (and occasionally brilliant) Villains arc, followed by a derivitave-but-exciting start to the subsequent volume, Fugitives, the writers of Heroes finally, FINALLY seemed to be righting the ship that was nearly sunk by a Maya-shaped iceberg back in Season 2.
...]]> /article/3901878 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3901878/the-morning-after-heroes-building-26 The Morning After Heroes: Building 26 Tue, 17 Feb 2009 13:12:56 -0500



Last Week on Heroes: “My girlfriend Daphne is faster than a speeding OH MY GOD SHE’S DEAD”

This Week: The Bennetts sit down to breakfast. Finally finding her niche as an actress, Hayden Panettiere successfully spoons cereal into her mouth in a convincing manner. Then she gets a secret text message from REBEL that says “MUST WARN TARGET,” missing the part at the end that says “ABOUT THE LOW LOW PRICES AT WAL-MART.” Her mom interrupts her lust for adventure with questions about her Ivy League aspirations. Noah asserts that he’d rather she enroll at a two-year technical school, because seriously it’s Claire. But before she can even ask about the Costa Verde Community College cheerleading squad, she gets another text tells her that the TARGET is ALEX, and she can find him in a COMIC SHOP, and to STAY TUNED FOR A HOT NEW OPPORTUNITY FROM VERIZON WIRELESS.

Captain Corpse tells a roomful of agents who they can and can’t arrest, and Claire is unfortunately one of the latter. He’s like “Also her dad, who I’m positive is not in this room right now, is a homo” and Nathan’s like “Actually I’m a homo who IS in this room, and my brow is officially furrowed.”

Mr. Coffee is smiling like a fucking goober about his new best fwiend Sylar, who visibly hates his existence. They’re still driving, and Sylar’s pretty tired of having no earthly way of knowing which direction they are going. Finally he just slams on the breaks and is all “WHERE IS MY POPS?” and Mr. Coffee’s like “How about a series of elaborate lies instead?” Coffee (I think we’re well acquainted enough now to drop the formalities) seems to get some sick pleasure out of the strangling that inevitably follows, and Sylar only lets up once he finally gets a straight answer. With a destination and travel time at last, they start driving again. Sylar’s like “Also quit having fun – this isn’t a road trip,” and I’m like “Well maybe you shouldn’t be playing ‘Born to Be Wild’ with the volume up, because that’s very confusing.”

Oh, also Capt. Corpse spots them from a camera mounted on a highway overpass, which is important for later.

Claire goes to warn that Alex guy, who works at the comic book shop. But because everyone knows girls would never set foot in one of those places, he’s like “Worst. Prank. E-ver.” So as he’s fawning all over her barely legal body because he obviously hasn’t seen that Clearasil commercial where you find out her torso looks like an awkwardly stuffed pillowcase, Noah walks in to arrest him. Claire’s like “RUN!” but Alex keeps slipping on the puddle of ejaculate that has formed at his feet.

Noah starts looking around as Alex and Claire hide hilariously close by. Luckily it’s one of those comic book shops where very loud whispers are completely inaudible to people standing two feet away, and Noah has that specific kind of optical nerve condition where he can’t see over waist-high obstacles. Claire in tow, Alex runs out of the store and speeds away in his nerdmobile like he’s being chased by organized sports.

Hiro and Ando arrive in India to save a bride, because one of Vincent Van Gogurt’s futuredoodles told them to. Ando finds her and she’s all crying, and he’s like “maybe don’t get married” and she’s all “I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT – you’re my hero!” and Hiro’s like “I miss being useful.”

Nathan asks the government to send more money for his internment initiative, but instead they send him the chick from The Cutting Edge, so he’s like “Jesus, how bad is my cell phone reception?” Also she’s twenty years older now and not wearing a leotard, so he’s all “What do I even do with this?” She says she doesn’t believe in superheroes, and he’s like “I don’t believe you’re famous anymore.”

Meanwhile Sylar and the kid stop for a night of shenanigans at a rowdy black fraternity house.

Back at Senator Bad Guy Headquarters, the homeland security lady sees Tracy strapped to a chair. She recognizes her – presumably from a White House key party – and is like “This is unacceptable… if it’s against her will, I mean.” Then she says she’s going to shut down the whole operation.

...]]> /article/3892265 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3892265/the-morning-after-heroes-trust-and-blood The Morning After Heroes: Trust and Blood Tue, 10 Feb 2009 12:50:11 -0500 Last Week on Heroes: Hiro bought Ando a supersuit that would’ve made him look completely leotarded. Everyone got arrested like it was the third act of Casino, then Nathan loaded them on a plane like it was the first scene of U.S. Marshals. Also I made a lot of movie references.


This Week: Claire lunges into the cockpit and startles the pilot with her terrible acting. Not to be outdone, Peter does his part to accidentally murder everyone by breaking the plane with his stupid frozen hand. The fu-jet-ives plummet toward a body of water. Meanwhile on the Las Vegas strip, that enormous neon guitar in front of the Hard Rock Hotel breathes a welcome sigh of relief.
...]]> /article/3880690 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3880690/the-morning-after-heroes-a-clear-and-present-danger The Morning After Heroes: A Clear and Present Danger Tue, 03 Feb 2009 10:54:08 -0500


Last Half-Season on Heroes: I stopped writing recaps right before the finale and a lot of people sent me angry messages.

But the Twist is: My grandfather died so you’re all a bunch of dicks.
...]]> /article/3785701 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3785701/the-morning-after-heroes-the-eclipse-part-2 The Morning After Heroes: The Eclipse, Part 2 Tue, 02 Dec 2008 05:00:44 -0500




Last Week on Heroes: A solar eclipse drastically reduced the special effects budget. Claire lost her powers but gained a bullet in her shoulder.


This Week: Still running through the forest, Peter and The Haitian pause so the former can breathe heavily between badly delivered lines of stilted dialogue. Turns out Nathan was captured by Not The Good Haitian But The Other One, and is now chained up in a basement with a couple of prostitutes (naturally), and also speaks their language because why not.
...]]> /article/3777788 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3777788/the-morning-after-heroes-the-eclipse-part-1 The Morning After Heroes: The Eclipse, Part 1 Tue, 25 Nov 2008 11:42:42 -0500



Last Week on Heroes: Elle and Sylar were feeling some SPARKS, if you know what I mean! (They both shot electricity out of their fingertips.)


This Week: Arthur sketches a newly dead Claire, which kind of makes it feel like we’re right back where we started in Season 1. Except for the drop in quality. Anyway, he’d like to know why he did that, so he asks Mohinder, because it’s obviously a science question.
...]]> /article/3768650 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3768650/the-morning-after-heroes-its-coming The Morning After Heroes: It's Coming Tue, 18 Nov 2008 11:43:13 -0500

Last Week on Heroes: Last year on Heroes. The episode ended back in the present, though, with Arthur Petrelli digging his liver-spotted fingers into Hiro’s facefat…



This Week: Instead of murderkilling the dorky glasses right off that increasingly useless walking DeLorean, Arthur just wipes his mind instead, until Hiro’s personality regresses to that of a 10-year-old. So, pretty much the same, then. Thinking fast, Ando pinches his BFF’s eyes shut until that somehow teleports the two of them to a Japanese bowling alley.

Not one to dwell on the mistakes of five seconds ago, Arthur is back at Pinehurst, where he tells Sylar that he doesn’t necessarily have to treat brains like a Fisher-Price playset to gain someone’s ability. Arthur then leads his son to a nearby cell, and chained up inside is none other than Electric Sarah Marshall, who we discovered last week has a thing for Suicidal Superpowered Serial Killers. Because who doesn’t.

Elle, all sparky and disheveled, starts shocking the shit out of Sylar for offing her dad Ned Ryerson (or Sammy Jankis, if you prefer). As her ex-crush’s body rises into the air, she cranks up the voltage from “KY Tingle” to “Here Let Me Get That Toast Out With This Fork” to “Peel the Flesh Off Your Bones.” The special effects in this scene are pretty sick, but I’m pretty sure that’s because it’s a Dr. Manhattan outtake from the Watchmen trailer.

/article/3741424 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3741424/the-morning-after-heroes-villains The Morning After Heroes: Villains Tue, 11 Nov 2008 12:20:34 -0500 Andrew B. opted out of writing this column so he could go back to watching Prison Break, which ironically features far fewer instances of prison break than Heroes. When he asked if I wanted to take over, I was all, “Of course I will, because being responsible for one of these every week is Totally Sick, and definitely not a hassle.” But apparently over the Internet you’re supposed to use plus signs for sarcasm? So here I am. Don’t worry though – I killed him and Sylar’d his brain open, so I think I’ve got this figured out.

I will say, he picked a really bad time to bail, because Heroes is getting great again. I’ve been loving the past few weeks, and last night continued to not suck – which is weird, actually. Gimmicky flashback/flashforward episodes are uniformly terrible (Nip/Tuck… TO THE FUTURE!), and the ones Heroes has been putting out once a season fare no better. But not this time.

The whole episode is essentially an Afri-cid trip through Hiro’s time traveling mind, courtesy of Kenya-nardo da Vinci’s magical guano.

The first place we find ourselves is a Petrelli Party, where we are immediately reminded that 1.) Peter used to be a nurse, whose only power was the ability to supertwitch that ridiculous hair out of his eyes; 2.) Nathan used to be a tenacious, corruption-dismantling DA, only the kind without a horrifically charred face and an exploded girlfriend, and 3.) Angela Petrelli was never meant to be more than a tertiary character.

Papa Petrelli is talking shop with Caligulinderman, who’s worried that Nathan’s gonna take him down. But a calmly reassuring Arthur is all, “Let’s just kill him. I have like two other sons.” So it turns out the guy responsible for crippling the eff out of Nathan’s wife in that car wreck he “accidentally” floated away from was his own dad.

Having recently inspected his first cranium, Sylar is suffering from a little post-brain-removal guilt, so he attempts to escape The Hunger by way of a noose. Either that, or he wants to get dizzy while he beats off. Elle walks in just in time to zap the rope, because she’s working with Noah and the Company, and they really want to watch Sylar murder more people. Seriously. Also she gets kind of lost in his eye(brow)s, and decides she kind of likes him. So, if you want a date with Kristen Bell, try hanging yourself in her general area.

The show’s two flamethrowers, Meredith and the guy who looks like that inbred lead singer from 3 Doors Down, are brother and sister. Surprise, I guess. They’re robbing a Seven Eleven when they get caught by Eric Roberts, and while the brother escapes, Meredith gets tased like 87 times. Then Eric Roberts is like, “Do you have your resume with you? We’re hiring.” She does a good job on her first mission, but when she decides to escort her brother out the revolving door of Level 5, Eric Roberts catches up to them on a train, where he once again decides to go up against two superpowered beings armed only with a taser. He has GOT to be related to Clair somehow. (Everyone else on the show is.) The train car ends up in flames, Meredith ends up in handcuffs, and Eric Roberts ends up with a much less successful career than his sister Julia. He also informs Meredith that her daughter Claire is still alive, which she could have also found out by looking directly behind her.

Angela Petrelli spends this episode behaving more like an unassuming mom than Lady Macbeth, and we eventually find out why: Arthur’s been brainraping her for decades. Linderman touches her head to heal the damage, and Angela’s restored memories make her superpissed. She confronts her husband with the help of the Haitian (who negates Arthur’s mind control powers), then poisons his dinner, natch. She’s about to go hide the body, but Nathan walks in and finds it first, so she has to pretend it’s a heart attack. The doc at the hospital walks in to tell the Petrellis that their patriarch has perished. But wait! The doc is getting Jedi Mind Tricked by a paralyzed-but-still-very-alive Arthur. And that’s how all that happened.

Elle visits Sylar, and brings along a guy named Trevor, who has the power to shoot invisible guns and wear a lot of eyeliner. Trevor is basically the goat in Jurassic Park. It’s all part of Noah’s plan to watch Sylar feed on powers, which is actually pretty villainous of Noah, which perfectly fits his personality in Season 1. Elle pretends to be really impressed by Trevor’s power to make Sylar jealous, so Sylar decides to one-up invisible guns with a little head slicing. He kills Trevor, but allows Elle to escape. So basically, it’s Noah’s who unleashed Sylar on the world, and eventually his own daughter. There’s a lot of questionable parenting in this episode.

Back in the present, Hiro awakes to discover that AfricanIsaac has been AfriKilled. Arthur found them, and the episode ends as he clutches Hiro’s chubby face…

Best Lines:
/article/3690456 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3690456/the-morning-after-heroes-dying-of-the-light The Morning After Heroes: Dying of the Light Tue, 21 Oct 2008 00:34:39 -0400 Last Week On Heroes: Mohinder cocooned Maya at the request of the audience, Claire made friends with a vortex-creatin’ villain and got pissed at Noah for putting him in an ethical dilemma, Nathan and Tracy found out they were experiments, Daphne began recruiting a League of Villains for Maury Parkman, Maury was working for undead Papa Petrelli, and Hiro killed Ando. For real.
...]]> /article/3681315 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3681315/the-morning-after-heroes-angels-and-monsters The Morning After Heroes: Angels and Monsters Tue, 14 Oct 2008 01:10:53 -0400 Last Week On Heroes: Peter went to the future and got Sylar’s hunger for power-brains, FutureSylar was a nice fella until Sylar Jr. died and he exploded, Tracy and Nathan started their path towards love and the White House, FutureClaire was evil, Mohinder got gooey, Hiro and Ando dug up Adam Monroe, and Matt started following a turtle.

...]]> /article/3607975 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3607975/the-morning-after-heroes-i-am-become-death The Morning After Heroes: I Am Become Death Tue, 07 Oct 2008 00:44:09 -0400
Last Week on Heroes: Tracy found out she and Nikki were made by a German doctor, Hiro and Ando continued their wacky hijinks and brought the world a little closer to Armageddon, Sylar and Noah partnered up to take care of some villains, Claire shocked viewers everywhere by getting angsty and rebellious, and Peter went with his future-self to see how much the future sucks.


...]]> /article/3598554 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3598554/the-morning-after-heroes-one-of-us-one-of-them The Morning After Heroes: One of Us, One of Them Tue, 30 Sep 2008 01:26:07 -0400

Where We Last Left Our Heroes: FuturePeter decided to make a mess out of the past, Hiro and Ando lightheartedly chased after a speedster that would bring about Armageddon, Noah left Claire’s negligent, deadbeat, fire-creatin’ mom to babysit, Peter got stuck in a villain’s brain, Nathan and Tracy Strauss slapped democracy in the face and got themselves a Senate seat, and Sylar found out he was a Petrelli. Nathan and Peter were sure lucky they didn’t get THOSE eyebrow genes.
...]]> /article/3589927 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3589927/the-morning-after-heroes-the-second-comingthe-butterfly-effect The Morning After Heroes: The Second Coming/The Butterfly Effect Tue, 23 Sep 2008 01:07:32 -0400 Where We Last Left Our Heroes: Hiro dispatched of Adam Monroe by burying him alive, Peter stopped the virus from being unleashed after trying to unleash it, Maya went to Mohinder to get her to stop crying black goo but ended up bringing Sylar along for a cure to his impotence, Nikki got all blown up, and Nathan was shot just as he was about to finish his long-winded speech about how he can fly. And in the final chilling scene, Sylar grabbed a can of spinach. DUN DUN DUNNNNN!!!
...]]> /article/3080109 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3080109/morning-after-heroes-111907 Morning After Heroes 11.19.07 Tue, 20 Nov 2007 10:24:07 -0500


Action! Adventure! Romance! Mastering Powers! Revenge! Resurrection!

Last episode had it all. I really enjoyed it, we are unveiling some secrets, and people are dying (at least for a short period of time).
...]]> /article/3063302 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3063302/morning-after-heroes-111207 Morning After Heroes 11.12.07 Tue, 13 Nov 2007 09:54:21 -0500




The show was back in full swing last week, and now it seemed to be slowing down. Though from the looks of it, next week should pick up. I am a huge fan of the ‘fill in lost time’ device in TV and movies. It is really fun to see what has happened in a retroactive way. In this instance it seemed like they were pretty far along in the season and realized they took a lot of liberties and were like let’s jump back and clear some of this up.


...]]> /article/3046866 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3046866/heroes-the-morning-after-110507 Heroes The Morning After 11/05/07 Tue, 06 Nov 2007 09:25:52 -0500


Stuff happened! I am right back on the Heroes train. I am excited there is a lot of great stuff going on. Battles in the mindfield, making out while sharing headphones, Mohinder torn between sides, Peter traveling through dimensions. This is really starting to take off. I don’t want the season to end, I want to watch it on DVD, so that I don’t have to wait and I can fast forward through all the nothing.
...]]>