CollegeHumor: Usa

Welcome to America

Thu, 01 Mar 2012 11:57:00 -0500

Statue of Lipidy.

Founding Fathers

Tue, 21 Feb 2012 15:22:03 -0500

I know it’s Presidents Day, but the truth is America’s in rough shape. If only our Founding Fathers were around, their political genius could restore our great nation.

-With the help of scientists, George Washington arrives in 2012. He finds the nearest functioning computer and watches Internet porn.

-With the help of scientists, John Adams arrives in 2012. He finds the nearest functioning computer and watches Internet porn, nodding at Washington at the next computer.

-With the help of scientists, Thomas Jefferson arrives in 2012. He finds the nearest computer and watches Internet porn. The scientists approach Jefferson and ask if he can help restore our great nation. “For sure, one sec,” Jefferson says, not really looking up. The scientists wait but Jefferson never moves.

-With the help of scientists, Alexander Hamilton arrives in 2012. “Let’s get to work restoring this great nation,” he says. The scientists thank Hamilton for not wanting to watch Internet porn. “Oh shoot, that,” Hamilton says and finds the nearest computer and watches Internet porn.

-With the help of scientists who have hidden all the remaining computers in the White House, James Madison arrives in 2012. He goes for a walk in the Rose Garden to mentally prepare a speech. Six hours later the scientists find Madison naked in the broom closet watching Internet porn on seven different computers. The scientists resolve to find a better hiding space next time.

-With the help of scientists, Benjamin Franklin arrives in 2012, already watching Internet porn on a crude laptop he invented.

-With the help of scientists, Martha Washington arrives in 2012. The scientists ask if she can get her husband to stop watching Internet porn “just for like a day.” She approaches her husband. “Wow,” she says, “that’s, uh, some hardcore stuff you’re watching.” Her eyes glaze over and she points to the screen. “Click that one.”

-With the help of Martha Washington, the entire Continental Congress arrives in 2012 and watches Internet porn.
...

Barack Obama Hulks Out

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 16:43:19 -0500

Health care and industrial-strength slacks for everyone.

Obama's Al Green Ringtone

Mon, 23 Jan 2012 13:49:00 -0500

Perfect for when you're in the mood (to disrupt a meeting).

Patriotic Puppy

Wed, 11 Jan 2012 11:54:55 -0500

He's running for President of the United States of Adorable.

Canada Runs for US President

Tue, 10 Jan 2012 12:11:47 -0500

Canada, America's hat--but also best option.

Tim Heidecker's Herman Cain Ad

Wed, 26 Oct 2011 15:26:14 -0400

Ride the Cain train.

Unpatriotic Hyundai Driver Thinks They're Being Patriotic

Fri, 23 Sep 2011 16:22:45 -0400

Fortunately it's an Entourage and that show is super American.

The Worst National Anthem Ever Supercut

Tue, 20 Sep 2011 13:30:08 -0400

They should have just recited "The Pledge of Allegiance," or never agreed to do anything like this at all.

Enormous Dog Welcomes Soldier Home from Iraq

Tue, 16 Aug 2011 13:54:42 -0400

To give you an idea of how long he'd been gone, the dog was only sort of enormous when he left.

Newt Gingrich caught with foreign made t-shirts

Mon, 30 Jan 2012 18:24:08 -0500

Grocery Store Marching Band Flash Mob

Wed, 06 Jul 2011 16:43:04 -0400

John Philip Sousa is marching in his grave.

Screams America

Mon, 04 Jul 2011 10:05:45 -0400

Screams America

Igor Biden

Tue, 31 May 2011 14:41:16 -0400

The Hunchback of Scranton, Pennsylvania.

Obama Embarrasses Self and Entire USA During Toast to Queen

Wed, 25 May 2011 12:52:23 -0400

Don't blame me, I voted for a different Queen.

Illinois Senator Reads Letter From Wu-Tang Clan

Tue, 24 May 2011 13:34:52 -0400

It is her duty as an elected official to protect America's neck.

Obama's Car Gets Stuck at US Embassy

Mon, 23 May 2011 16:37:41 -0400

It's a good thing Bin Laden's compound didn't have any curbs.

Secret Service is Tired of Fox News

Mon, 23 May 2011 17:11:29 -0400

Wait, that's not a secret.

Combat Soldier Does the Carlton

Sun, 08 May 2011 13:43:11 -0400

Protecting your right to sit in pajamas and watch "Fresh Prince" reruns all day.

Terror Alert Now Raised to Confetti

Wed, 04 May 2011 15:42:51 -0400

It's only scary for the people who have to clean it up.