CollegeHumor: What movies teach me http://www.collegehumor.com/tag/what-movies-teach-me Funny Videos, Funny Pictures, Funny Links! /article/3405453 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3405453/what-the-usual-suspects-taught-me What 'The Usual Suspects' Taught Me Mon, 05 May 2008 16:33:58 -0400
1. Coffee, well known for its dehydrating properties, will prevent your piss from coming out like snot.


2. Being forced into a police lineup is a fun way to meet new friends.

3. There is a country out there somewhere producing men with accents like they have received a tracheotomy from a blind carpenter.

4. Wind is strong enough to blow Gabriel Byrne’s hair into a Beatles mop cut, but not strong enough to change the course of a flicked cigarette butt.

5. Stephen Baldwin is, in fact, capable of not stripping a film of all of its credibility.

6. Murdering your wife and kids instantly garners you legendary status within both the criminal underworld and law enforcement communities.

7. Drug deals are best done on highly elaborate and explosive watercrafts.

8. Upon joining the FBI, you are immediately transported to a time when smoking a cigar in an intensive care unit is the right thing to do.

9. Kevin Spacey looks stunning in a pin-striped suit and fedora.

10. You can fool a customs agent using only a coffee mug and the resolve to keep your hand contorted for 45 minutes.

11. Criminals are able to urinate with the precision of a table saw.


 /article/3405222 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3405222/what-iron-man-taught-me What 'Iron Man' Taught Me Mon, 05 May 2008 14:20:33 -0400
1. A substance-abusing hotshot must still be a good actor to portray a substance-abusing hotshot.

2. From now on, ride with Rhodey.

3. It is much simpler to build a supercharged battery/electromagnet that fits in a pe...]]> /article/3395685 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3395685/what-the-passion-of-the-christ-taught-me What 'The Passion of the Christ' Taught Me Wed, 30 Apr 2008 08:11:38 -0400

1. Not to sound gay, but Jesus probably pulled SO much tail back in the day. I mean he was practically worshipped by so many people. Like an ancient rockstar. Seriously, chicks washed his feet for nothing in return.

...]]> /article/3371491 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3371491/what-no-country-for-old-men-taught-me What 'No Country for Old Men' Taught Me Wed, 16 Apr 2008 09:30:45 -0400
1. Bad Haircut= Oscar Gold


2. If someone has a canister of oxygen attached to a rod, don’t let them touch your forehead with said rod.


3. Silenced shotguns are the coolest weapons ever.
...]]> /article/3370556 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3370556/what-road-house-taught-me What 'Road House' Taught Me Tue, 15 Apr 2008 17:11:35 -0400
1. Above all, be nice. If someone calls me a name, be nice. Dalton will let me know when it’s time not to be nice.


2. Pain don’t hurt.


3. Despite what movies, videogames, professional boxing and the UFC say, no one ever wins a fight.
...]]> /article/3363030 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3363030/what-sweeney-todd-taught-me What 'Sweeney Todd' Taught Me Thu, 10 Apr 2008 11:28:45 -0400
1.) British men are unable to trim their own facial hair.


2.) No one in London is perceptive enough to notice that 99 percent of the people who walk into Sweeney’s dimly-lit, macabre-looking establishment never walk back out.
...]]> /article/3353436 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3353436/what-the-ruins-taught-me What 'The Ruins' Taught Me Sat, 05 Apr 2008 13:27:27 -0400
1. Mayans are very greedy with their weed. An arm and a leg is as low as they’re willing to go for a sack.


2. Tequila makes for a very unreliable form of anesthesia.


3. Diarrhea from the drinking water and herpes from that chick from Arizona State are the least of your problems in Mexico.
...]]> /article/3346429 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3346429/what-almost-famous-taught-me What 'Almost Famous' Taught Me Wed, 02 Apr 2008 03:55:28 -0400
1. When kids skip grades, their classmates torture and harass them until the day of graduation.


2. If you love rock music and hate your mother, you should become a stewardess.

3. In the rock business, even if you look like you’re 12, people will believe you’re 18. No questions asked.
...]]> /article/3341987 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3341987/what-bill-and-teds-excellentbogus-adventures-taught-me What 'Bill and Ted's Excellent/Bogus Adventures' Taught Me Sun, 30 Mar 2008 20:46:37 -0400

1. San Dimas High School football rules.

2. Chewing gum can be used to fix a time machine.

3. Napoleon likes ice cream and water slides.

4. You can beat up Amish people and still get into heaven.

...]]> /article/3336412 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3336412/what-21-taught-me What '21' Taught Me Thu, 27 Mar 2008 14:55:33 -0400
1. NOT how to count cards.


2. Kids at MIT are amazing at physics, except for the physics of dribbling and shooting a basketball.


3. When you go to MIT, your first internship is working in a men’s clothing store for less than $8/hr.
...]]> /article/3335226 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3335226/what-i-am-legend-taught-me What 'I Am Legend' Taught Me Wed, 26 Mar 2008 19:44:51 -0400
1. The person who finds the cure for cancer is actually a huge douchebag.


2. Albinos are only slightly more human than zombies.


3. Always leash your dog, ESPECIALLY when hunting deer in a post societal world.
...]]> /article/3333630 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3333630/what-home-alone-2-lost-in-new-york-taught-me What 'Home Alone 2: Lost in New York' Taught Me Tue, 25 Mar 2008 21:15:29 -0400

  1. People who are arrested for breaking and entering & attempted murder are put in a magical jail cell where they are easily able to break out in two years, just in time for a sequel.
  2. “The Sticky Bandit...]]> /article/3333187 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3333187/what-point-break-taught-me What 'Point Break' Taught Me Tue, 25 Mar 2008 17:38:01 -0400
    1. In real life, Gary Busey is insane. In movies, Gary Busey “acts” to become normal. He is the Superman/Clark Kent of actors.


    2. The greatest swells come every 50 years.


    ...]]>         /article/3332631 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3332631/what-alpha-dog-taught-me What 'Alpha Dog' Taught Me Tue, 25 Mar 2008 12:02:38 -0400
    1. In California, every girl is smokin’ hot.


    2. In California, every house has a 52” plasma TV.


    3. In California, Bruce Willis somehow sired Emile Hirsch.

    ...]]>         /article/3322667 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3322667/what-dazed-and-confused-taught-me What 'Dazed and Confused' Taught me Wed, 19 Mar 2008 03:18:52 -0400
    1. Mercilessly beating up kids is okay, as long as you a) are a senior b) use a paddle you made in wood shop c) they are freshmen.




    2. Beer fixes everything.

    3. If you have a cool car and a mus...]]> /article/3321940 http://www.collegehumor.com/article/3321940/what-30-days-of-night-taught-me What '30 Days of Night' Taught Me Tue, 18 Mar 2008 21:15:43 -0400

    1) Vampires are really well dressed.

    2) When winter starts in Alaska, the sun instantly sets. And when winter ends, the sun instantly rises.