Tipping your bartender, the only known cure for Bieber Fever.
"Why do you think they call him Laundry Larry? Oh right, he did go to prom with a dryer sheet."
Let's not kid ourselves here people. It's cat. And it tastes damn good.
"What a coincidence, they cost exactly one drum playing octopus."
The pool is for squares only.
There have been lines around the block, which is coincidentally where the fat ho usually hangs out.
Seriously, if he comes into contact with the cootie virus he'll die instantly.
That's what you get for dating Mr. Tea.
Oh, you mean the L train?
If you think monkeys are scary, you've never seen a copyright lawyer.
Well, it's not like she was qualified to be a singer either.
He'd better be careful, unless he wants to be The Boy Who Cried Friends Getting Arrested in Parking Lots
Jennifer Anniston? This iPhone must be a 1998 functional prototype.
This book would of made my childhood so much more exciting. Thanks Dad, parasailing is for losers.
That's why I throw all of my food on the ground before I eat it.
He turns water into wine coolers
It's out of control. I heard it even has automatic windows.
Wow, President Edison was way before his time.
The cake is not a lie.
Tragic, but at least we have the birth of Richard, the penguin, to celebrate.
They should probably call someone to see what it means.
Um, I think I know a brick when I see one.
"Whoa, this is just like The Matrix. At least I think, I was high on rat poison when I saw it."