Hopefully, she leaves the kid at home.
He has to spend most of his tickets on coal.
Bark twice to say no to a date and insult my manhood in front of an entire nightclub full of people.
The worst thing is they made an eight-month-old baby take the picture.
It's probably not worth it if you have to tip the cashier $100 to never tell a soul.
Moose! Bitch, get out the way.
Did it hurt when the tattoo artist slapped you in the face and asked if you were serious?
Ball so head motherf---ers wanna fine him.
They're specially trained with love and acceptance.
Friendship means sticking together like a stray piece of popcorn to that floor.
See, now it just looks like you're terrible at something even easier.
Three people strong for a distract button.
You can really tell a lot about someone's feeling from their body language.
They're like reverse MC Hammer pants, but still not financially viable.
Obviously, he enjoys being petted.
The act of being too beautiful for this world. Keep on smiling, Walt, you'll have your day soon.
The only thing more important to a police officer than his badge is his sign that keeps him from having to pull people over.
I hate spelling things correctly, so it was a match made in Heaven.
His favorite songs are "Hit 'Em Up" and the "Rollin', Rollin', Rollin'" song they used to use in commercials.
Extra! Extra! Read all about how this is going to happen to you, too.
And you thought your boss was a jackass.
I usually hit it about three times and call in sick due to blood loss.
Yeah, but are they single?
No one person is at fault here. You forgot their birthday, they forgot to find shelter after running out of the house to hide how upset they were.