Luke, C-3PO and R2-D2 walk into the Mos Eisley Cantina. The Bartender stops them. Bartender: Hey! We don't serve their kind here!Luke: What? Bartender: Your droids. They'll have to wait outside. C-3PO and RD-D2 turn to leave. Bartender: Oh, sorry,...
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32 likes /
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1 week ago 
Aladdin: Genie, I've got my first wish.Genie: Alright, let's hear it.Aladdin: I want Princess Jasmine to lust for me non-stop.Genie: Uh-uh, I can't make anyone fall in love with -Aladdin: No. Lust. Like, she wants to bang me all the time, day and...
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1 week ago
Bill: Hello, new acquaintance.Dave: Hey, neighbor, can I ask you something?Bill: City hall. Rain cloud. Dollar sign.Dave: Um, yeah. Listen, I really need a friend. My boss says I can't get promoted until I get one and learn something about...
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63
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4 weeks ago 
Zombie #1: BRAAAAIIINS...Victim: AAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!Zombie #1: BRAAAAIIINS!Zombie #2: Mark.Zombie #1: Shhh, I'm trying to stay focused here. BRRAAAAIINNNS!!Zombie #2: Mark that guy is getting away from us, like, really easily.Zombie #1: Dude I...
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30 Comments
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1 month ago 
Ever brought a girl back to your place after a party? There's more to consider than just how long you last...TV: Guys, he just put on The Notebook! He's hooking up!Door: I'm not locked! I'm not locked! What do I do?!Walls: Oh god, the pressure,...
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2 months ago 
Kazooie: Banjo, wake up! Grunty kidnapped your sister!Banjo: Oh no, we have to save her! Quick, get in my backpack.Kazooie: The fastest way to get..... wait, what?Banjo: What?Kazooie: Did you just tell me to get in your backpack?Banjo: Well yeah,...
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2 months ago 
A police station interrogation room. JOHNNY, a greasy criminal, sits at a table. DETECTIVE SHEPARD, a spunky young policewoman with everything to prove, is questioning him.SHEPARD: So, you gonna confess, Johnny? Or am I gonna...
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2 months ago 
Guy: Ok, you got it?Girlfriend: Yea.Guy: Ok, is it big?Girlfriend: No.Guy: Are you sure? I mean; it's relatively big, right?Girlfriend: No, it's about the same size as all the others.Guy: So it's above average?Girlfriend: No. It's smaller.Guy:...
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4 months ago 
Alarm Clock: I'm a racing car, passing by, like Lady Godiva. I'm gonna go, go, go, there's no stopping me. I'M BURNING THROUGH THE SKY, YEAH!Me: Ugh, please stop.Alarm Clock: Don't give me that sh*t, college boy. You've been working for two...
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4 months ago
Director Brassel: Agent Hunt, how's that mission going? The one where you're supposed to draw a triangle with three obtuse angles? Agent Hunt: Uh, not well. It's completely impossible. I'm really not sure why that's a mission. Director Brassel:...
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4 months ago 
(Drunk me stumbles into an upstairs bedroom where sober me is waiting)DM: Hey, you’re not Kasey.SM: It’s Katie actually, but yea, I asked her to tell you to meet her upstairs because I couldn’t get you up here otherwise. Listen,...
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2 years ago 
Takeiro – OK, so who’s got something for me?Yamamoto – Well, I had an idea, but it’s not that good…Takeiro – NONSENSE! Let me hear it, young man. Yamamoto – Well, it’s the story of a school girl...
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74
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3 years ago 
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