Steve: Hey Lucas, ready for yet another night of insolent vagrancy? Lucas: Yeah, I can't wait to stay out past ten o'clock doing all those bad things we like to do, like wearing scary clothes and making loud noises in restaurants....
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Professor: It didn't...Lex: OR that it couldn't shoot poisonous black goop out of its mouth!Professor: OK that's just preposterous.Tim: O rly? Ask that fat guy from "Seinfeld." You CAN'T! Know why? 'Cause a Dilophosaurus ate the f**k out of him....
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Girl Site: <Talk>?Boy Site: <Yes>Girl Site: </Love You>Boy Site: <Why>?Girl Site: <Changed><Life target="_blank">Boy Site: </Go>Girl Site: </Relationship>Boy Site: <Friends>?Girl Site: </...
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Tricia and Kara, two extremely hot girls, are laying out in the quad. Tricia: Oh my god, Kara, take a look at Henry Popper over there laying on the bench.Kara: Wow. Look at that healthy, full gut. He must be like, totally well fed and wealthy....
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4:45 PMStomach: Cool, he's napping. That's good, I need all the energy I can get to work on those two crunchwrap supremes he just plopped down here.Colon: Sorry, gotta do my 'thang.Stomach: Colon! You just woke him up! I'm not even halfway done...
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A hive of bees is alive and bustling. A human approaches, and is noticed by one of the bees, who turns to the swarm in a panic.Bee #1: Fellow bees, look! The giant approaches! (an audible gasp is heard across the swarm, as they freeze and stare...
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Open on Alvin and the Chipmunks, at band practice. They begin to sing, but it quickly becomes apparent that something is off. Finally, Alvin snaps.ALVIN: Ok, stop stop STOP. Simon, what the f*ck is your problem?SIMON: Excuse me? MY problem?...
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Another great episode of The Foggy Monocle's gentleman series
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Nostrasaurus: I see terrible things in your future.Dinosaur: What?! Tell me! Nostrasaurus: I see your skeleton assembled in a large room. There are little creatures - humans, they're called - and they're interested in your skeleton. They're...
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Left-Side-Of-Brain: Hmm, what do you want to dream about tonight, Hank?Right Brain: Falling off a cliff?Left Brain: ...You always say that...Right Brain: How about that cute girl in English? I'd like to anec her dote!Left Brain: Not tonight,...
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(iPhone is hanging out by himself. Blackberry enters.)Blackberry: Oh, iPhone! Hey! What's going on?iPhone: (takes out his headphones) What?Blackberry: Oh, I just...I said hey.iPhone: Hey. (puts his headphones back in)Blackberry: Sooooo. You...
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Stretch Armstrong: Hello Steve, I'm your new roommate.Me: Wow...Stretch Armstrong: I hope you're ready for a year of no homework, no baths, and tons of fun!Me: (Nods head)Stretch Armstrong: Say, those are some pretty sweet glasses you got there....
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Why do I let myself daydream? In my head, my life is adventurous: I am a dashing prince upon a majestic horse, with a much deeper voice, striving valiantly to save the damsel. And I also don't have to pluck my eyebrows.But in reality, when I try...
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New York City: Boston! Hey, how's it going, dude?Boston: Hey man, I'm good, you?New York City: Can't complain. Oh, I forgot to ask you last time we...*New Haven runs into the room*New Haven: Hey yooooo! 'Sup dudes?New York City:...
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Co-Written By Patrick Cassels
Mr. Coen: Hi, Jim Marshall please?Mr. Marshall: Speaking, who's this?Mr. Coen: Hey Jim! It's Arthur, Arthur Coen!Mr. Marshall: Arthur Coen?Mr. Coen: Remember? The Tapersville Terrible Tarantulas? The bleachers? Must have been, gee whiz, like, 40...
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(This article requires a minimum score of 3 on the AP Chemistry exam or completion of CHEM 100 or higher)Sodium: Hey, the guys called, want to head over to Lithium's place?Chlorine: No, I hate it over there.Sodium: See this is exactly what I...
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