Inquiries at the Fame Office

Los Angeles 2030:Mike: Hi, uhh...is this the fame office?Attendant: Yes, is there something I can help you with today sir?Mike: Well, yeah, I'd like to use my fifteen minutes of fame now.Attendant: Alright sir, let's get your file up. What's your...

The Future of Warfare

Ypres, Belgium - November 15, 1914The Battle of Ypres rages as two German soldiers keep watch over the British trenches.  German Soldier 1:  My God, who would have thought soldiers would be reduced to this?  Sitting in trenches,...

Gotham City Deja Vu

O'Hara: Which one? The jheri-curled black guy from the malt liquor ads? Or the loud, crazy weirdo in the purple zebra-striped suit?Michaels: Neither, O'Hara. Neither.O'Hara: Ah, I see what you mean.

Stereotypical Teen Movie from The Cool Kid

INT SCHOOL HALLWAY.  Kyle is at his locker, wearing a varsity lacrosse jacket. His girlfriend, Becky, the hottest girl in school, stands next to him, standoffishly.Kyle: So, about prom. Do you want to go in the limo with the guys, or do...

A Sore Subject

Turkey: Oh... hey, Eagle. What's up?Eagle: Not much, how have you been? I haven't seen you in at least three hundred years, my fair-feathered brethren. [Turkey self-consciously strokes his wattle.]Turkey: Ha. I know, right? I've been ca-razy busy...

Patriots Locker Room Chat

Coach Bill Belichick discusses a new game plan with offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels after Tom Brady's season-ending injury.Belichick: How's Brady look?McDaniels: Pretty bad.Belichick: Do we need to resort to an emergency plan?McDaniels:...

The Doctor Is Always In

After waiting for a few minutes, Michael Kingston is greeted by his primary care physician.Dr. Norton: Mr. Kingston, how are we today?Mr. Kingston: Oh hey doc, not too bad, but the throat's been sore for a few days now.Dr. Norton: Sorry to hear...

The Nightmare Before College

Honey, are you OK? You were screaming. Me: Quick, where do I go to college and what kind of music does my roommate like? Mom: You work part-time at Best Buy and your father and I like smooth jazz. Why? Me: Oh thank God. Thank God so very much. I...

Coffee Hits My Stomach

Stomach: OK, let's get some enzymes on that bread he ate last night.  We should really start breaking it down.  Enzymes: Do we have to?Stomach: Welllllll, I guess not.  Maybe we can wait till after he eats lunch.  I'm pretty...

Imagined Conversaton: Annoying Girls In Class

Mary: Hey Jill, how are we going to super annoy the shiz out of Jason today?Jill: I don't know, want to tap the back of his chair and act oblivious to his signals that he's getting annoyed?Mary: Well, yeah, but we did that yesterday...Jill:...

Style Changes

1994Mom: Steve, try on these Bugle Boy pants I bought you.Me: OK.Mom: The cuffs are stretchy so you don't tear them when you play.Me: I pooped in them already.!slice1996Me: Fellas, the Big Dog is in da house! See, it says so on my shirt.Lucas: We...

N64 Wingmen

Jerry: Alright guys, I'm gonna go talk to that cute girl up at the bar. One of you mind chatting up her friend?Falco: I'll take this one! You get the one behind me!Jerry: That's the wrong girl! Falco, WAIT.Peppy: I'm GOIN' IN!Slippy: Fox! Get this...

Indiana Jones has to explain himself to the Barnett College Dean

Dr. Jones walks into the deans office.Dean: Dr. Jones.....Jones: Look I know what you are gonna say, I know I have missed a lot of work.Dean: Dr. Jones, you have been absent for seventy five percent of your classes this year alone.A long silence...

Battle at the Bar

A conversation between different parts of my body, as I'm sitting at a bar:Pants Brigade: Limp and ready for action, sir!Captain Noggin: Private Eye! I need a status check now.Private Eye: We got a bogey moving in at 2 miles per hour. She...

Inside the locker-room of an opposing basketball team from the movie "Hoosiers"

 Inside the locker-room of an opposing basketball team from the movie Hoosiers, a day before they play against the small-town team which the movie depicts:Coach - Alright guys, tomorrow we face Hickory, Indiana in the state quarterfinals. Our...

Mythical Creature Convention

The Real "Rock Band" Tour Bus

Drummer: Driver, step on it!Guitarist: Those fans are crazy. Someone threw a brick at me...like a real live brick...Drummer: Enough bitching! What the hell happened to you back there Chad?Guitarist: Umm, I started playing poorly?Drummer: So...

My Only Visit To University Health Services

Nurse: Okay... your name?Me: Josh.Nurse: And you pregnant?Me: Huh.Nurse: I know this is sensitive. Take your time.Me: I'm not pregnant. In fact, I'm sure I'm not pregnant.Nurse: Be honest.!sliceMe: I'm a man! I physically cannot give birth.Nurse:...

Somali Pirate Adventures

"Somali pirates seize ship with 33 tanks" -CNN.comSomewhere off the coast of Africa, on the deck of a hijacked boat...Pirate 1: Man, I love being a pirate.Pirate 2: Me too. Pirate 3: Check this out!Pirate 3 punches innocent bystander in the...