Pre Draft &...
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Coach: Alright guys, we're down by six with exactly enough time left on the clock for that crazy trick play I taught you which no one understood at the time but everyone now realizes is perfectly suited for our current situation. Now, I know a lot...
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Dear Democrats, Let me start off by saying congratulations. The people you support with all your heart have worked really, really hard to be in this position, and it feels awesome, doesn't it? I mean, this has been a truly epic run. And it all...
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Brett: After I lead a pious life, full of selfless acts and unconditional charity, this is the treatment I get? You're willing to just let me vanish into the ether, become a mere memory? Trust me, I've got time left on this planet, there's nothing...
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Jesus: Hey Dad. Can we talk?God: Yeah, what's up kid?Jesus: So I was talking to some of my buddies a couple days ago and I told them that you were my dad and they all laughed at me. I was wondering if there was something you could do.God: Oh......
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(Guy and Girl are having lunch. Guy says something about the Steelers through a mouthful of cheese fries.)Girl: So the Steelers are, like, your favorite team?Guy: Yeah.Girl: Why?Guy: I’m from Pittsburgh.Girl: So. . .?Guy: The Pittsburgh...
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Look, I can't say who gave them to me but I got my hands on the brainstorming notes from a bunch of different Superbowl advertisers. I don't know if any of these ideas actually got made into commercials for the game next week, but at least...
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105 Comments
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3 years ago
Desperate times called for desperate measures. I traded Peyton Manning for Tiki Barber -- the whitest running back in the NFL. Then, I figured Michael Turner had a normal white man's name so I gave him a shot. Also, LenDale White seemed like a...
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94 Comments
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3 years ago
Madden: Well what we have here is obviously a mismatch. On one side we have this young kid whose experience doesn’t extend past trying to hit bathroom ceiling tiles while his opponent has been dominating the game for years. He is going to...
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57 Comments
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3 years ago
I've talked a great deal about Air Bud's strengths, but realize that he is a player who makes many rookie mistakes. He's exceedingly undisciplined and if you can get a good deal of crowd noise he's liable to commit false start penalties. Also, you...
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