"Answer: Pretty fast"

"Solve: A backhoe weighing 8 tons is on top of a flat-bed trailer and heading east. The extended shovel arm is made of hardened refined steel and the approaching overpass is made of commercial-grade concrete, reinforced with steel rebar. When the shovel arm hits the overpass, how fast would you have to be going to slice the bridge in half?"

Either that, or a centaur.

You know what? Let's get food at the next exit.

No, she's the fat one!

The new millennium's version of the finger.

"As far as streets named after viruses and bodily functions go, this is almost endearing."

"I'm sure the manual will indicate which lever is the velocitator and which is the deceleratrix."

This is apparently from an era when people didn't understand what airplanes were. Fear the mighty airplane!

Traditionally, you use your thumb to hitchhike.

That looks like a vagina with trees going on it!

Are you certain that we remembered to bring some change this time?

'Do you guys have anything that doesn't have roast beef in it?'
'There's the roast beef egg sausage and roast beef - that doesn't have much roast beef.'

You can never start them too young.

Have you ever seen that lame scene in a sitcom where two fat people both tried to squeeze through the same door?

Don't say we didn't warn you.

Everyone is dealing with higher gas prices in their own way.

Vermillion? I don't get it.