Mixtape From The Guy Who's Not Sure How He Feels About You

Things I Screamed while trying to get my Gardenia Plant to Bloom that I've also said to Guys I've Dated

Why are you so droopy? Come on, pep up!Uh -oh, looking discolored. Looks like someone got too much sun.Oh no, is that supposed to fall off like that?Are you acting this way because it's so dry? Are you suicidal? Is that it, is that the problem?...

Aliza Shvarts Breaks Up with her Boyfriend

Aliza: Can we talk?Boyfriend: Sure.Aliza: I think we should break up?Boyfriend: For real?Aliza:Well, I can't really tell you if this is real or not. The nature ofthis break-up doesn't consist of any certainties, you know? Boyfriend: Stop talking...

Threesome Rules from the Insecure Girlfriend

The Freshman Virgin Who Just Doesn't Get It Tries to Pick Up Guys at the Bar

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "U" and "I" together at a restaurant getting to know each other.Hi, my name's Mindy. You might want to remember it now because you'll be screaming it later, across the bar, when I'm leaving and you...

Clitter

Dirty Talk

...in a new relationshipHer: You feel sooo good! You...taste...so...good too!Him: Yeah! Mmmm. I've been thinking about you tasting me all day, baby.Dirty talk after dating for over a yearHer: Your balls smell. Did you shower today?Him: Yeah!...

Lies I Believed on the Fifth Grade Playground

Blue Balls will kill him. Masturbating decreases the strength of your heart. The average guy is 12 inches long. If you're allergic to peanuts and the guy eats a lot of peanuts that day and you go down on him you could die. You can get pregnant...

Phone Sex Break Up

So, remember that time in college when your boyfriend, who went to another school, called you to break up with you at the same time you guys usually have phone sex? Good times.GF: Hello?BF: Hey Babe.GF: Hi! Wait, hold on, I gotta go into my room....

If My T&A Could Talk...

...Maybe this is a conversation they'd have while I was getting some in college. TITS: Yeah! Squeeze me! That feels soooo good. Ooo, yeah lick it! Yeah! Suck it!ASS: Hellooo. Over here! Can anybody hear me?!TITS: Nobody cares about you sweetie,...

Hook Up Disclaimers Written On Bar Napkins...

...That I wish I had received in college.Disclaimer's Disclaimer:(Mindy is not implying that she has had any health prolems, pain, or discomfort as a result of a college experience. Some of the stuff she writes about isn't taken directly from her...

The World's Most Annoying Girlfriend and her Insensitive Boyfriend try Tantric

Boyfriend: So is this gonna be like that Karma Suit sh*t? Cause, baby, if you wanna twist yourself around me like some Gumby whore, that's fine. But I'm not doing that sh*t.Girlfiend: Its called Tantric sex baby. I read all about it in Cosmo....

Valentine's Day Cards to Hand Out at the Bar