1. Do you laugh at racist jokes?

No, this is really horrible. I've never heard, laughed at, or told a rascist joke. Racism is dead, this is the 2000's. Smeariously, I have a black friend!! It is faggy that this question even needs to be asked---so G-A-Y. My favorite kind of jokes are knock knock jokes. Wait, did you hear the one--knock knock...who's there...banana...banana who? knock knock...who's there...banana...banana who? knock knock...who's there...orange...orange who? ORANGE you glad I'm not black? Hahahahah. My grandfather tells that one every Christmas.

2. Do you say "that's so gay"?

Obviously. But I don't mean it like "that's so homosexual." That's gross. I mean it like "that's so retarded."  Retarded means gay, as defined by Webster's Dictionary (I think.) Duh. I would never say anything to hurt gay people. My Uncle Steve is gay, and even though he's not allowed in my house I still love him. He tries to send me letters and stuff but my mom won't let me read them. Sad.

Talent is a frail and unpredictable human quality, one men have built empires on being able to identify.  More often than not, a record label will be deluged by thousands of would-be Huey Lewises, all clamoring for their attentions.  Just as often, these aspiring balladeers lack the talent that agents search for, and so the music industry must continue its relentless quest, cracking open young artists like eggs in hopes of finding that sweet, sticky, yellow, high-protein yolk that is talent.

However, every once in a long while, lightning strikes.  Like a brush from the hand of God, a monumentally talented and heretofore unknown individual is brought to the attention of the world through the workings not of the music industry, but rather Destiny itself.  Such was the case at Tuesday night’s Radiohead concert in San Diego.  Yes, readers, I am proud to announce the discovery of a remarkably fresh and dynamic talent, a singer of such virtuosity and flair that I have no doubt she will soon rise to the top of the musical pantheon.  Ladies and Gentleman, may I present: The tipsy middle-aged woman who wouldn’t stop singing every song at the top of her lungs and stood right next to me for the entire concert.