CollegeHumor: Learning Stuff This Month http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1776979 Love, According to Your Professors Thu, 11 Jun 2009 17:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1776979 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> What love is, according to your...

Advertising Professor: Love is a cash cow. Remember this: if you can associate something with love, sex, or violence you're creating an association between your product and happiness or excitement. Why do you think Valentine's Day was so successful that it got a sequel?

Algebra Professor: Love is the sum of it's parts, any unknown in which can be found by comparing multiple formulae in order to solve for two or more variables.

Biology Professor: Love is a natural desire tofind a mate which manifests in the form of joy. This motivates partial monogamy in nature to ensure the well-being of offspring.

Chemistry Professor: Love is the influence of many chemicals being released within the body. As hormones like Oxytocin and Vasopressin are released inside the body, the brain creates a feeling of euphoria. Significant others, sex, and maternal instincts involve the release of these chemicals.

Computer Programming Professor: 01001100011011110111011001100101. Of course, it changes if you want to change the capitalization.

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EARTH SCIENCE: The melting ice trickled down the mountain’s spine, at once cool and warm, the sensation causing the mountain to gasp sublimated water vapor. The sun beat down on the trees, and the trees reveled in the sweet intersection of pain and pleasure, beginning to sweat. “Evapotranspiration,” whispered the sun, soft yet in control. The trees’ sweat droplets condensed, clinging to each other in a hazy airborne dance of lust. The clouds grew in the sky, trembling slightly, the tension unbearable – then, with a roar, they precipitated. Mother Nature got up to clean herself off, ready to start again.
MARXISM: Their love sounded so good on paper, but now Marx and Engels were faced with the reality of bare flesh pressed against bare flesh, their proletarian members waiting to be emancipated from the shackles of their capitalist trousers. Their role-playing grew vicious – “Exploit me! Alienate me!” screamed Engels as he rejected feudalist and capitalist ideals, surrendering himself to Marx’s bourgeois tyranny. At last, their love wasn’t just theoretical – they stared into each others’ eyes as the workers of their world united. Almost immediately afterward, they collapsed.
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