A Recent Letter From Marty To Doc Brown

Co-written with Pat "Handsome" Cassels.

A Letter To Parents That Join Facebook

Dear Parent,Welcome to Facebook! After hearing newscasters talk incessantly about this brand new technology that the rest of us have known about since 2005, you've finally decided to suck it up and join. It will be very useful as you reunite with...

Letters Home From Camp Crystal Lake

Response to My Letters from Discovery Channel Regarding My Requests that they Extend Shark Week

Dear Mr. Peever,Thank you very much for your letters. The Discovery Channel welcomes all types of feedback from its dedicated fans and seriously considers all recommendations. However, at this time we are unfortunately not able to honour your...

Dear Sweetheart: Letters Home From A Soldier

An Illustrious Career Comes to an End

Jamaica's Tourism Board Contacts Sean Kingston

Dear Mr. Kingston,My name is Christopher Rifkin, chairman of Jamaica's Tourism Board. We'd first like to congratulate you on your recent successes, as well as thank you for raising awareness worldwide of the beautiful paradise that is Jamaica!...

My Letter to Michael Cera

Dear Michael,What's up? Things are good here - just school work and such. So you probably don't know who I am (unless you happened to know me through like three friends or something, which would be really CRAZY since I didn't think you knew me but...

INVITE: New Society

Where: Henderson's Field, MontanaStart: 9:00 a.m.End: ????Hey Gang! It's that time of the year again. The time of the year where we try to throw off the oppressive trappings of "modern society" and start all over again. I know we ran into some...

The Letter Eminem Wrote Right After Writing Stan Back

While Eminem's letter to Stan was probably his most famous, it was actually only one of many letters Em responded to that day. Take a look at this letter the famous rap star wrote right after writing Stan back.

Can I Just Get My Shirt Back?

Dear Ex-Girlfriend,I know we ended things on a bit of a bad note the other week and I understand that we’ve gone out separate ways and all, but I really need to talk to you about something really important. I’m not going to beg you to...

Middle Class Dad Writes Complaint to My Super Sweet 16

Dear Producers of MTV’s “My Super Sweet 16”,My name is Stan Michelson and I’m writing to you on behalf of my soon to be 16-year-old daughter Stacie. See, Stacie absolutely loves your program. The thing is I really think you...

A Diabolical Plot

June 20th, 2007Skin, How goes our plan? Has the groundwork been laid? May I proceed with the plot? I await your word to begin the process.- SunJune 22nd, 2007Sun,Try as I might I have not been able to produce the mood in our target which is...

A Letter From Al Powell the Cop From Die Hard 1 (Aka Reginald Vel Johnson)

Dear Bruce Willis,What the hell, man? Do I look like assh*le? Because you keep wiping me to the side every chance you get. I mean C'MON! I can't believe you made another "Die Hard" movie without ME...Sgt. Al F-ing Powell. Need I remind you that I...

A Letter to Dakota Fanning from Jodie Merson, Former BFF.

Dear Dakota,It’s Jodie. Jodie Merson from Grover Creek Elementary. Remember me?  We went to elementary school together before you moved off to Hollywood to become a big f*cking star.  Still don’t remember me?  Well, just to refresh...

Dating For Business Majors: Letter of Recommendation

Greetings future business leaders of America! What would you say if I told you that I knew a way you could double your income, increase your benefits and add precious dollars to your retirement fund? Now what if I told you that you could do all of...

Honest Rejection Letter From Prestigious Liberal Arts College

Dear applicant,Thank you for applying to Prestigious Liberal Arts College. Actually, forget I said that. I’m kind of annoyed you wasted my time. I’m a very busy, important person, and every application is ten more minutes that I’...

To The Douche Who Broke My Model Airplane

Dear Dirtbag,I know where you live. If I didn’t, would this letter be under your door? No. I know what you look like. You look like a big dumpy butthole that farts a lot. You are losing your hair and that goatee you grew to compensate is...