A Lifetime Named in the Way of Friends' Episodes

The One With the C SectionThe One With the Dirty DiaperThe One With the BracesThe One With the Alcoholic FatherThe One Where the Dog Gets Sent to Live in a FarmThe One With the First Day of High SchoolThe One With All the MarijuanaThe One With the...

Ten Worst Things to Say to a Cop after Getting Pulled Over:

1) “Oh, I thought about being a cop. Then I decided to graduate from Middle School.”2) “I'm making a citizens arrest. You're under arrest for being a fat retard.”3)“Yea, I was going fast so I could get to your house...

Situations That Indicate Certian Retired Athletes May Be Taking Steroids

Terry BradshawVisibly sweaty and ferociously short-tempered Bradshaw attacks FOX NFL Sunday co-host Howie Long with blunt end of Heisman Trophy after Long makes routine on-camera zinger about Bradshaw's baldness.John ElwayFormer Broncos QB Elway...

Romantic or Creepy?

Romance is a funny thing; a romantic gesture toward a girl is completely influenced by how she feels about you. Be careful before going out on a limb for that special someone, because if a girl isn’t into you, your attempt at romance may be...

Oh, The People I Meet

Hey asshole, I'm your girlfriend.  You've been ignoring me all night so you can talk to other girls you think are pretty.  You will tell me that you're just catching up with old friends and that I need to learn how to mingle with your friends but...

Names That I Don't Trust

They always say, “don’t judge a book by its cover”.  If the expression was “don’t judge a person by their name”, I’d be in trouble.  I just don’t trust people who fall under the following...

My Unfinished Summer Checklist

Top 10 Signs you go to a Nerd School

10) There’s no football team, but you are ranked 3 in Counterstrike9) You give directions to the gym by saying “It’s up the hill from the library8) The term “Greek students” refers to ancient history majors7) You...

Names of 1950s Rock and Roll Icons If They Were Rappers

'Lil Richard The Everly Brothas The B.I.G. Bopper Buddy Holla Johnny Ca$h Chuck Bury  Special thanks to Matt? for his input and suggestions.

First Drafts of Well Known Aphorisms

If you’re fighting somebody who’s got fire, you better get some too if you wanna beat them. If you don’t succeed at first, practice a lot, then try harder the second time. When life gives you lemons, cut some up and put...

5 Cool Ways to Prove That You Are Cool

Do you ever find yourself thinking, "Am I cool?" If so, you are definitely not cool. Because everyone who is cool knows that doubting ones own coolness makes one uncool. But if you want to be cool, I can give you a few pointers.1. SmokeThis one is...

Rejected Movie Titles

"The Lambs Are Making Plenty of Noise""Life Is Okay""Someone Strikes The Empire""12 Men Who Are Pretty Good-Tempered, All Things Considered""To Maim A Mockingbird Slightly""Taxi Passenger""Peccadillo City""The Wind Is Still Here""Partially Metal...

Top 25 Car Names That Are Funny When The Word "Anal" Is Placed In Front Of Them

25. Frontier24. Ascender23. Excursion22. Diablo21. Defender 20. Vibe19. Commander18. Aviator17. Trooper16. Avalanche15. Odyssey14. Avenger13. Prowler12. Raider11. Breeze10. Trailduster  9. Quest  8. Legend  7. Amigo  6. Rodeo  5. Rampage  4....

If Major Film Critics Reviewed Karen, This Girl I Know Who Gets Around a Lot

"Worth the cost of admission." "Bring your whole family.  There's something for everyone." "You can lose yourself in this magical world again and again." "Anticlimactic." "You'll emerge sadder and wiser." "If Will Ferrell were...

Elementary School vs. College

Note: the first half of this article was written by a real-life 5th grader.--------------------------------------Dear David,My college is better than any elementary school. Although your points are valid, college life has benefits of its own....

Terror Alert Levels You Will Never See

High risk of having All That's Kel Mitchell give you an orange soda Severe risk of having kick-ass hair Elevated risk of having Ikea...

Bad Graduation Gift Ideas

A Briefcase: Oh, thanks Uncle Frank. You getting me this briefcase ensures that I’m supposed to work the same 9-5 office job that you've worked for that last 25 years while complaining about it and cheating on my wife with my secretary. (...

System Requirements

Consult your box side panel for details.World of Warcraft- Pentium 4 processor 2.4 ghz- 512mb RAM- desire to stay indoors for abnormal amounts of timeMicrosoft Access- 170 Mb of Disk Space- A boring jobMacBook- Internet Connection- $2000- Sense of...

Dr. Kevorkian Is Unemployed

Even though he's out of prison and has refused to resume his former position as "Dr. Death," Dr. Jack Kevorkian still has a few career options left: High School Guidance Counselor - What troubled teen wouldn't want to "rap" with "Dr. K." about...

When I Die...

When I die, I have made sure that my friends know what to do: 1. Put me in a Santa costume. 2. Find a few reindeer (dead, also). 3. Hire a small plane. 4. Take us up and throw us out.I'd prefer it  if they do it around the time schools are...