• "Most people wouldn't even think to use elk feces as a source of food, but it's extremely rich in vitamin B6, which will keep me energized during my hike today."
• "Fires are vital to one's survival through the cold nights here in the Andes, and a good way to make one is to urinate on a large piece of granite, then rub elderberries against it in a circular motion."
• "During my 56 years of service in the British special forces, I did thousands of parachute jumps.  But I've only attempted a double loop corkscrew swan dive into a red ant mound twice."

While filming for their next episode, Les Stroud of "Survivorman" and Bear Grylls of "Man vs. Wild" cross paths in the wilderness of  Alaska. Here's what follows:

Bear: It's very important to stay as warm and rubbing animal feces on yourself is a good way to do this. *Hears Footsteps*

Les: Well hey, look who it is. Sh*tface himself, Bear Grylls...

Bear:  Oh...Hello Les, get separated from you boy scout troop again. Did Discovery Channel actually give you a 2nd season?

Les: Yes they did. They had no choice. Your roll is to be like the show WildBoyz, I have to be the show that teaches you to survive.

Bear: What, are you jealous that I'm stealing the spotlight?

Les: Yeah, I'm real jealous. I wish I had sh*t on my face and I wish that I used my own piss soaked shirt to keep cool, or drink water from elephant sh*t. COME ON GRYLLS, WHO ARE YOU KIDDING!?

Les: Is that so. So normal people jump out of planes when the go camping in the middle of the Costa Rican jungle. Is that it? Normal people have camera crews following them as the go "deep into the jungle". Normal people choose to eat raw fish or jump into icy water on a glacier when they have a perfectly good fire? Face it, you're a joke. Your just a pretty face that goes hiking and films it!