Incredible Vintage Kung-Fu Footage

Seventh-grade gym was much tougher in the '70s.

Double Dragon

Check back soon for when they team up with the battle toads.

Pressure Point Knock Out

He had to knock out his assistant three times to get the lighting just right.

Self Defense for Dorks

These moves are perfect for protecting yourself without earning anyone's respect.

Near-Fatal Samurai Sword Accident

A lesser samurai would have missed or killed him completely.

One-Minute Judo Lesson

The only sport where the moves take longer to say than to do.

Lightning-Quick Kung-Fu

We're convinced. He's earned his white belt.

Urban Ninja 2

The city is his jungle. But he's also good in the regular jungle.

Martial Arts Fight

In Japan, these are how Democratic Primaries are decided.

Chinese Lightsaber Duel

Technically, Beijing is a land far, far away.

Fast Hands

Yeah he can fire off 6-7 punches per second, but he keeps missing.

Japanese MMA Queen

She's good and all, but I'd like to see her in the ring with a real fighter like Stone Cold.

Fastest Knockout

All right, thanks for coming folks! Please validate your parking on the way out.

Jujitsu Sensei

If you ever find yourself before a huge Jujitsu fight in a foreign land, and they ask you what color you want to wear, always say blue.

Roundhouse Kick

Two for flinching.

Amazing Jumps

Congratulations, you are now a yellow belt. That'll be $49.50.

Well that's another 11 year old that could kick my ass.

Martial arts aren't about beating people up, they're about being flashy.