250 Years Before 'The Goonies'

A pirate ship lies trapped inside a giant cave off the coast of Astoria, Oregon.One-Eyed Willie and his first mate Derek sit at a table covered with treasure. They're surrounded by several dead pirates.Willie: So how be the booby trap situation?...

5 Filmmakers' Greatest Shame

1. JJ ABRAMS (writer of Gone Fishin')Besides being responsible for every great 80's movie not starring Bill Murray (Vacation, Uncle Buck, Ferris Bueller's Day Off) and giving Molly Ringwald the false hope of a film career (Sixteen Candles, Pretty...

A Quick Guide to the Films of Fall 2009

It's that time of the year again folks: No more Star Trek, no more Harry Potter, no more Apatow or Tarantino or the guy who wasn't Peter Jackson that made District 9. It's the fall movie season, when all the studios bestow our theatres with...

Nick Cage and His Agent

 Phonecall:  Result: Cage: Nick Cage's phone. This is Nick Cage. Cage's Agent: Nick, baby, I got a movie offer for you on my desk. Cage: I'll do it. Cage's Agent: Don't you want to see a script or...

The Invention of Lying

We finished up our interview with Gervais in a more sterile environment after filming for the day had ended and i finally got to ask my hard-hitting questions (his answer as to the fate of David Brent's songs was that he did not want to record...

If The Internet Named Movies

Concept by Sam & Dan. Illustrated by the inimitable Breanna Goodrow.

5 Literal Movie Posters

Requiem For A Dream:Ext. PierWoman: Sometimes I just come out here to think. I leave work and my family and all that stress behind and I just come out here. It's so peaceful, you know? There's the seagulls, and the water, and the sound of the surf...

Assorted Jelly Beans - Scissorhands

Here is the third installment of Assorted Jelly Beans.  A one panel comic written by myself and illustrated by Steve Dressler.

Gloop, Augustus et al vs. Wonka

Moviegoing: An Epic Quest

THE DEADLY CHOICEJust when you think you're home free, a new obstacle presents itself. It's time to choose a seat. You must strike the delicate balance between two evils: the neck-breaking front row, or so far in the back that you're in the front...

GI Joe Recruitment Posters

Or, Why I Would Be More Inclined To Join GI Joe Over Other Branches Of The Military. Illustrations by super 'tern Bree Goodrow.

James Cameron Reacts to Terminator Salvation

Art by the mellow, yellow Happy Happy Happy Man.

Failed Terminator Models

Six Movies You Should Only Watch While Stoned

Why It (Will) Suck: It's being produced by The Asylum, a company who's main gig is producing shoddy versions of existing blockbusters, giving them similar titles (Transmorphers, I Am Omega), and marketing them to confused grandparents. Think about...

Movie Posters By An Ad Company That Clearly Never Saw The Movie

Art by illustratastic Intern Bree Goodrow

Reviews For The Next Six Indiana Jones Movies

Indy 10  - Indiana Jones and the End of DaysCritically revered and adored by fans, the appeal of the stunning visuals and compelling narrative is somewhat undercut by film's documentary status. Spielberg's continued presence as director,...

10 Fictional Camps You Do Not Want To Send Your Kids To

Summer camp is a favorite topic of movie and TV writers to set their stories. I mean, it's got it all: sexy lifeguards, easily-killed children and absentee police forces.  What's not to love?  Here are ten fictional summer camps you'll...