Both creative AND boring!

The broad went on to say, "blah, blah, blah" before being interrupted by the newsman so he could interview the chairman who retorted, "Fireman. Man-made. Mankind."

Dave would've caught this in his spell check if he hadn't added the word to his dictionary weeks earlier while writing a scathing letter to his ex-girlfriend.

This issue's header is actually tamer than usual. You should have seen last weeks, it was borderline sick.

So does it double as a telescope?

Beef on a Pig.

Desperate for a more mainstream audience, The Wall Street Journal has reduced itself to catch phrases.

Don't put your butt just anywhere.

Whatever, that's actually why they still print Cathy.

The next paper had an article about him being nearly beaten to death.

Good advice, wrong problem.

Hey Barry, did you read this op-ed piece about bananas?

"The snozzberries taste like snozzberries!"

That's pretty tough, considering there's a sack in the way.

You just blew my mind.

Oh, that's what the student paper is for.

"Lesson 28 - Lock the dorm room door before going out on Saturday night." Lesson 29 - find something to do on Saturday nights besides crumpling up newspaper.

Track isn't a full contact sport, but maybe they should require jock straps anyway.

Look at the bright side, now you can poop wherever you want.

Alright, who did the crossword puzzle? I was saving that for class.