"Old People" Articles

14 Open Statements To Anyone Between The Ages Of Old and Dead

1. Stop giving your coat, hat, and a nickel to the first person of color you see when you enter an establishment.2. The war ended 40 years ago and you have a plastic hip.  Stop shrieking and diving behind the couch every time I bring my half...

Talking to Your Grandma About the Conversion from Analog to Digital Broadcasting

All grandmas have been up in a tizzy since those government TV coupon commericals with that nice man started airing, but every time they call their grandkids for an explanation, the confusion continues because they just hear what they want to hear....

The Seven Types of Grandma

The Textbook: Kind eyes, a precise five-centimeter half-ro extended off her shriveled skull, godlike pie-making skills, and a card-carrying Wheel Watchers member, the Textbook is the grandma we've all heard of yet never actually encountered. I'll...

Real Facebook ads for old people

A while ago I noticed that Facebook ads had started to be tailored to me by my age. For example one ad had the headline "22 year-old gamer?". While I am a 22 year old gamer, I was getting sick of the constant ads for "BBW Girls" and gay sex so I...

How My Friends and I Appear to My Grandpa

Steve: Hey Lucas, ready for yet another night of insolent vagrancy? Lucas: Yeah, I can't wait to stay out past ten o'clock doing all those bad things we like to do, like wearing scary clothes and making loud noises in restaurants....

Senior Citizen Video Games

Due to recent record profits in the video game market, many video game companies have decided to try and profit from the single largest demographic: Baby boomers. Fortunately, I was able to get a hand on some of those video games. Here's a first...

Oswald Henderson: A Life

Birthday Card Ideas For My 100-Year-Old Grandmother

If My Grandpa Ran The Department of Transportation

Ninety-One Upper

Imagine a world where the elderly one-upped each other.Normal: I walked around the block for my morning cardio exercise.One-upper: You think that's cool, I just joined a gym that I go to every Wednesday to walk on the treadmill for 15 minutes....

If Your Generation Is So Great, Why Can't You Stop Dying?

Ever since the 1998 release of Tom Brokaw’s book “The Greatest Generation” old people have been going around like they are the cock of the walk. Talking about how they fought in World War II and how they survived the Great...

Increasingly Obvious Attempts to Draw Attention to the Old Lady in My American Literature Class

“Although Hemingway’s In Our Time is now regarded as one of the seminal American expatriate works of the era, at the time of its release it was met with mixed critical review. It’s unfortunate that none of us has the capability...