The First RA

The Following MorrowFellow students fate truly is a fickle mistress. It is with great pain that I tell you that death has claimed another of our brethren. Squire Buckingham, the cherub-faced knight-major who came to us from our sister university...

Bob Marley Poster Placeholder

Posters say something. No, not literally. Most of them don't, at least. Posters reflect something about the person you are.For example, a poster of John Belushi wearing a shirt that says "College" will let your peers know that you like to laugh. A...

The Death Star Schematics Poster

You never know, someday you might want to build a death star. Maybe you'll make it in space near Alderaan, or maybe you'll make it in your lounge out of furniture. The bottom line is that you're going to need blueprints.The problem with blueprints...

Late Registration

James Curtis, PhD.Dept. of HumanitiesDear Prof. Curtis,It has come to my attention that your English 212 course, "Mark Twain and the American Spirit," has been filled for the Fall 2008 semester. Unfortunately, I require your class in order to...

Starting Fresh, Making Friendz and Getting Your D Moist

I know this sounds cliche, but college really is a new beginning, a clean slate to start fresh despite your not so desirable high school past. This rings especially true if you were a loser in high school. Not sure if you were a loser? Do any of...

Guide to Nonverbal Communication

Means, "We'd be the kind of guys who call each other "Dawg" if I didn't secretly hate you."From our book, the CollegeHumor Guide to College.

The Periodic Poster of Vulgarity

Have you ever wondered what all of the different intercourse elements there are? . Have you ever wondered how many valence electrons a blowjob has? Two, and blowjobs are inert. Everyone knows that. If you didn't know that, don't worry....

Top or Bottom Bunk: The Most Important Decision of Your First Three Minutes of College

If your roommate arrives before you and takes the bottom bunk, chances are you can look forward to a year of painful falls and bitter resentment. However, just like poor people who play the lotto, there is always hope! Follow our simple three-step...

Caption Contest: Orientation Edition

Guide to Being Cool in College

1. Hair: Do you put effort into making your hair seem cool? Don't. All cool kids put zero effort into their hair. When it's messy, you do nothing. When it gets long, you never under any circumstances PAY for a haircut! There is nothing more uncool...

Chimp Guevara

College is a time to experiment. For some people that means straight up dyking out at a frat party (NICE!). For others it could mean temporarily buying into crazy ideas, or learning to juggle. Whether you grew from a monkey or just want to hook up...

Welcome to Orientation 2008

It's that time again. For many of you it's just time for the normal back-to-school crapfest of late August, but for another, special group, it's the beginning of the rest of your lives. Or at least it's the beginning of the next four years of your...

College Math

While college life is great and way better than high school, there will still be some problems you can't avoid. Sorry. But we've got a few tried-and-true mathematical solutions to help you out.When can I dump my orientation friends?Most college...

The Sexile (Poster) Contract

Like my divorce lawyer told me when I was 13 years old, don't believe anything anyone tells you until they put it in writing. I didn't believe him, so he drew up a contract and signed it, stating that a person hereby cannot take anything spoken to...

Back-to-School: A Video Primer

Orientation Week is harvest season for funny videos. As students nationwide - and their cameras - return to campus for another semester of brilliant undergraduate antics, the Internet finds itself flush with a new lineup of dorm room pranks,...