Dude, quiet down for a second. Check out this picture I just took of you. Yeah, I got it right at the moment of impact, pretty cool right?

"This is the after shot of the Jedi Jump that was posted awhile back. He hit the concrete wall, hard, and got knocked out."

"My niece trying to hit the ball. I saw it heading to her face, and could have tried to help, but thought it'd be funnier to take a picture. She cried, I laughed... being an uncle is awesome."

I know this looks illegal, but keep it mind it's the final blow of a devastating 4-hit combo.

I got it! I got it! I g-

"His arm was jiggling around, which I take to mean his bones are not attached."

Why do they make these things so damn hard to open?

"Me and one of my friends each took an arm and had a week of sneaking up on a mutual friend and punching him. The winner was the person who inflicted the most bruising by the end of the week."

"Lesson learned: never get a piggy back ride from a drunk guy."

"On the fourth of July, me and some buddies went fishing. As one of them began to cast, our buddy Matt walked behind him and got snagged in the nose. The fisherman flew forward and the line broke."

Swing and a miss!

"I was snowboarding through some trees and smacked my hand off a tree...."

Bullseye!

Looks like it just fell off.

"I was cutting a piece of hardwood flooring and my hand hit the blade on the tablesaw. Shit happens." (GROSS!)

Gee Betty, things have been going just swell these past couple of weeks and I've gotta ask you - where you will wear my pin?

Check it out dude, I taught myself how to juggle meat cleavers. Watch.

"Who passes out on the stairs, I mean they are so comfortable and all but that just means your an idiot and you deserve to spoon with a rotting deer carcass."

"My friend accidentally hit the 'steam' button while ironing his sweater while wearing it."

Ever wonder what happens when you trip while playing Edward Forty hands?