Parker!? Spider-Man is Peter Parker?

"So we went to our local taco shop. My friend, who is blackout drunk, decides to get naked and run around. He passed out on the hood just as we got our food. There were about 3 cars behind us, and the lady working the drive thru was laughing her ass off."

A good reason you should break in your hat's brim as soon as you get it.

"My buddy Frank's first time drinking." See what everybody's raving about, Frank?

Is she holding the keys? Was she trying to drive?

"My buddy Charlie decided to invite some fat girls back to our hotel room. As soon as they showed up one passed out on the floor between the wall and the bed and the other on the bed face down, ass in the air. They wouldn't wake up so we took one's dignity by using her ass as a fast food table. Then we woke them up and kicked them out."

Stay alert - there's an equally drunk guy in a gorilla costume.

I may be drunk, but this blanket isn't nearly as soft as it should be.

Alright you guys, get out or lay down.

Here's hoping the guys she lives with have great aim.

Looks like he passed out waiting for a resupply on the toilet paper.

"Don't give your wasted friend a police baton."

Beer goggles strikes again.

I have an idea - let's put him in the microwave.

Dude - Saturday morning let's get up at 6 and just attack a bottle of vodka.

You can have this bagel bite when you pry it from my cold dead hands.

This is what you get for passing out.

"My roommate passed out on our couch outside of our house. So, a bunch of my friends loaded him up in the back of my truck and put him in front of the football stadium."

"Dropped his phone in the toilet, and passed out drunk trying to dry it."

"We went to offer this cop a beer and he was passed out."