"Politics" Articles

5 Facebook Political Views

Post-election Facebook is the worst. From liberals and their celebratory status updates to conservatives and their paranoid diatribes, social networking is more annoying than ever. For every few sane people with political opinions they can keep to...

First Exit Poll

My Absentee Ballot

A Letter To The Democrats, From A Patriots Fan

Dear Democrats, Let me start off by saying congratulations. The people you support with all your heart have worked really, really hard to be in this position, and it feels awesome, doesn't it? I mean, this has been a truly epic run. And it all...

A Viewer's Guide To Television Pundits

With the election days away, more and more Americans are becoming interested in the political process. This is great news for the 24 hour news networks, and more specifically, the pundits who infest them. The landscape of pundits is reflective of...

A Guide to the Presidential Candidates, By My 13 Year-Old Cousin

DR. RON PAUL (THE AWESOME ONE) - Dr. Ron Paul is pretty awesome. If he got elected, he would get rid of taxes, fix the economy, save the Constitution, and give everyone free checkups (he's a doctor after all). Plus he looks like Magneto from X-Men...

Ready, AIM News

The Final Presidential Debate

Moderator: Ladies and Gentlemen, we are gathered here in a makeshift hut near the radiation-soaked remains of Washington, D.C. for the final 2008 Presidential Debate. I am joined by Senator Obama and Senator McCain. Welcome. Opening statements,...

Famous Presidential Quotes, Translated

George W. BushEvery nation in every region now has a decision to make. Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists.F*ck you, Switzerland.Abraham LincolnFourscore and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new...

I Have an Idea That Will Solve Everything

With the presidential elections looming just a horse pregnancy away, the candidates are ignoring the real problems and instead focusing on the same old divisive issues, from gun control to which Back to the Future film is the best (“3, and f*...

This Just In: JFK Is Still Dead!

This week, an amateur photographer named George Jeffries came forward with new footage from the day of the JFK assassination.Essentially, Jeffries sat on never-before-seen archival footage of one of the most important moments in American history,...

Overheard at the DNC: Jan '07

"OK, so here’s the deal. This ’08 election is gonna be a slam dunk. The Republicans have proven they can’t lead the country; Bush has the lowest approval rating since Nixon during Watergate. As long as we play it safe, there...

A Political Debate With My Stoner Roommate

Affirmative ActionHey.  Hey, Doug.  Wake up.Huh?  Wha?Wake up.  We're going to have a political debate.We are?Yup....Why?Because.  Come on, get up....Doug...DOUG.  C'mon, I'll get you something off the Wendy's dollar menu.JBC?Yeah, sure...arrite,...

How the Far Left Imagines a Conservative Family and Vice Versa

How the Far Left Imagines a Conservative FamilyBoyfriend: Hey dear, how was your day?Girlfriend: It was wonderful, I had an abortion. It was the bomb.Boyfriend: Ah the fruits of our premarital relations. Anyways, what’s for dinner?...