CollegeHumor: Quotes Stuff This Month

10 Famous Quotes That Were Cut Short

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 14:00:00 -0400

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"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, Craig. Seriously dude, stop throwing rocks." - Jesus H. Christ

"No man is good enough to govern another man without that other's consent. And if you don't like it, too bad. I'm the president." - Abraham Lincoln

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1648824"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/a/collegehumor.3fc86fae9d1470ed6013e7fafc3e1807.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-10-05 14:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1648824">Brian Murphy</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 563 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

I like the way this kid thinks

Sat, 31 Jan 2009 08:00:02 -0500

Every Grandpa Simpson quote ever, a reference more valuable than any encyclopedia

Sat, 10 Jan 2009 08:00:02 -0500

Should have stapled it.

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:57:00 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1811562"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/f/collegehumor.eabee67567f9bc654786b25f2e1b974d.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:807400">Johno</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 155 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Famous Presidential Quotes, Translated

Fri, 04 Apr 2008 12:04:10 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> George W. Bush
Every nation in every region now has a decision to make. Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists.
F*ck you, Switzerland.

Abraham Lincoln
Fourscore and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
All men are equally superior to women.

George Washington
I cannot tell a lie.
How do you know I'm not lying to you right now?

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1021902"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/8/f/collegehumor.2db53d48c6234727bba1571f6fc0ac6d.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-04-04 12:04:10 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1021902">Tommy Wilder</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:511"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 169 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

100 Movies

Mon, 21 May 2007 11:17:26 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1760481"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/a/collegehumor.ab693aa4c7bfe2c1d70b199af245ca82.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 575 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Famously Inaccurate Quotations

Fri, 26 Jan 2007 00:25:58 -0500

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> "The Internet is a fad -- unlike baseball, with its admirable, steroid-free stars like Jose Canseco and Rafael Palmeiro."

-Bill Gates, 1995

"No person with his wits about him would ever pay to see moving pictures. Especially if those moving pictures told a story about scientists trapped on a remote South American island of genetically cloned dinosaurs run amok."

-Nicola Tesla, 1880

"Man? On the moon? That seems about as likely as that new singer Elvis Presley having a daughter, and that daughter growing up and marrying a ghoulish, Peter Pan-obsessed, trans-racial pop-singer accused of child molestation."

-Walter Cronkite, 1956

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:101226"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/2/b/collegehumor.bf47a312f8c3b3d327c1333b4268bdca.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-01-26 00:25:58 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:101226">Patrick Cassels</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:857"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 30 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Don't you hate people that make air quotes.

Fri, 03 Nov 2006 22:15:13 -0500

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1713560"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/c/collegehumor.4ee0a3c5cb86f17de8ac8e0c2eec3d7b.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:50935">This Is Delicious!</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:634"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 12 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

In this case the quotes mean "roll eyes while reading this sign."

Tue, 25 Oct 2005 21:00:00 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1617881"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/e/collegehumor.2ca8ed301430e92e39bad54e794ab88f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 3 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

You know, wash hands, wink wink. (taken at a Sonic)

Sun, 23 Oct 2005 23:40:00 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1614514"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/8/3/collegehumor.c87d8e18309c35275d2e87431005816e.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 11 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Wink-wink, get it? "Road" Atlas! Like, it's something else, not roads? Huh?

Fri, 01 Nov 2002 00:00:00 -0500

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:6023"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/2/f/collegehumor.7e9131a201900f8c2f2f731ff0c9eef3.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1 like </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Not-So-Famous Historical Quotes

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 22:46:13 -0500

"Say, Brutus, what's that behind your back?" -Julius Caesar

"Let's make the guillotine a bit rustier, so it takes a couple more whacks to kill 'em. How could that possibly backfire?" -King Louis XVI

"My scalp itches. I wish I had something to take care of that." -General George Custer

"Ahh, I'm just messin' with you guys." -Jesus Christ

"For the last time, we're not lost! Now stop bitching and help me build this sand castle." -Moses

"I'm so proud of being elected President. I'm going to remember this day for the rest of my life." -Ronald Reagan

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:43301"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/b/collegehumor.df18034e9c8a415b8853e7bb8e9bd7f2.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:43301">Adam Hrabik</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:569"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 48 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Fri, 09 Nov 2007 02:12:04 -0500

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1788301"><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/9/collegehumor.9bef996d6edeee7e82e46a59af24e112.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1256515">jamie</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:832"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1788301">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Famous Quotes, Altered by Microsoft Word's Synonym Helper

Wed, 31 Jan 2007 23:23:07 -0500

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Anyone who has ever written a paper with the aide of a computer has used one tool to accentuate, emphasize, stress, heighten, underline, and even enhance their writing technique.*Right click (sorry macs) + synonyms*.

As inspired by Joey, from Friends, here are some examples of how this beautiful, stunning, and striking helper could have influenced our nation's most famous quotes.

Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address

Four score as well as seven existences previously, our dads transported forth on this continent a novel nation, conjured up in autonomy and devoted to the scheme that all chaps are fashioned equivalent.

Martin Luther King, Jr.’s “I have a dream” speech

I have an air castle that one diurnal course, this homeland will mutiny and subsist out the accurate connotation of its dogma: “We grip these certainties to be patently obvious: that all chaps are twisted identical.”

William Prescott at the Battle of Bunker Hill

Don't spurt in anticipation of you glimpsing the whites of their oculars.

Pledge of Allegiance

I vow adherence to the Pennant of the United States of America, and to the Body Politic for which it situates: one Realm subordinate to Supernatural Being, indissoluble, by means of Emancipation and Evenhandedness for all.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:27573"><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/2/3/collegehumor.df4b25f2545d6dc6c267bbf32427ba2d.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:27573">Jensen</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:26"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 24 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />