If 21st Century Girls Had 17th Century Standards

Tricia and Kara, two extremely hot girls, are laying out in the quad. Tricia: Oh my god, Kara, take a look at Henry Popper over there laying on the bench.Kara: Wow. Look at that healthy, full gut. He must be like, totally well fed and wealthy....

Chronicles of a Student-Teacher Affair

Anatomy of a One Night Stand

The way you sleep during a one night stand can say a lot about your feelings towards the situation… Don’t judge me.

GeekSquad Assessments or Nerdy Sexual Innuendos?

“Don’t lose the screws, you can’t put it back in without the screws.”“Your hard drive might need reformatting.”“Do you have virus protection?”“…and moisture or penetration in the system...

Things I screamed while trying to kill the mice living in my apartment that I have also said to guys I've dated

Don’t even think about going in my bedroom, you dirty little bitch.Come on, come out and eat it. Lick the peanut butter. Lick it.You’re creeping me out.Die, assh*le. Die!You can run, but you can’t hide.I’m through cleaning...

Inside The Minds Of Animals: The NeverEnding Story

The swamp of sorrows scene in The Neverending story is one of the most tragic moments in American cinema. Although many of us have never lost our horse to an enchanted swamp, we can still understand Atreyu's anguish. We've never known what Artax (...

A Letter I'm Writing to Myself from My Boyfriend

Dear Mindy,What's up?Hey remember when you used to shave your armpits in the winter and wore make-up, and combed your hair? LOL. Good times.Hey, remember when you used to shave you legs and get bikini waxes frequently? LOL. That was really fun for...

A Conversation Between A Tongue and A Penis

Penis: Hey, tongue.Tongue: What's up, dick?Penis: Shakes head. Do you have a minute?Tongue: That's all you ever need.Penis: Okay, enough. We need to talk. Your arrogance has gotten out of control. It's embarrassing.Tongue: Cue the Gin Blossoms?...

A Letter From Your Favorite Porn Site Before You Got A Girlfriend

WANT TO INCREASE YOUR SIZE BY FORTY INCHES OR MORE?  CLICK HERE!! axbzy897nhHaha, just kidding.  We both know you'd never get close to the stallions we've got in our stables.  How you doing, kid?  Haven't seen you around in some time.  Been a...

Why I Slept Alone a lot in College.

or . . .Things I said Aloud to Boys 1998-2002 I think I'm a combination of Carrie and Miranda. Though sometimes I'm Charlotte. I guess I'm all three. But not Samantha. I just learned in my Women's Studies class why we wear...

A Spammer Submits To Penthouse Forum

Greetings!  Friend, I am very muchh pleased to adress with you some of that which it has been my great fortune to befall upon my person.  Most gracious are you for listening to my tale of exciting sexually in the words I am riting here to you....

Drop-Off Lines

You know those cheesy pick-up lines that got you into that frustrating relationship?There's only one known antidote, like water for fire or robots for cancer.  It's these zingers that'll wind up your relationship quick!1.  It must have hurt......

Awkward Sex Talks

Talking about sex with your parents is uncomfortable enough, but just imagine how bad it could be if your mom or dad is a professional. Luckily, Collegehumor uncovered the secret audio tapes of certain high profile “birds and the bees”...

Open Letter to the Guy Watching Porn in the Campus Computer Lab

Dear guy watching porn in the campus computer lab,Let's make a couple of things clear: I realize you like hardcore pornography.  Who doesn't?  However, not having the internet at home is no excuse for watching it in a public setting, like a...

Guaranteed Ways To Get Rid Of Your One Night Stand

Girl: I usually don’t do that on the first night.Me: Wow that chloroform wore off quick. Are you immune or something?...Girl: Was I better than the last girl you were with?Me: Let’s go ask her. She is still chained to the radiator in...