"I think I have a virus."

I'm not here to arrest anyone, just let me watch... I'm lonely.

Michelle really needs to get laid.

Well that just takes all the romance out of it.

Sorry Eric, a gentleman never tells what he used the pillow for.

"Sex 101: Sex in the main lecture hall at Binghamton University"

Love the knee prints.

Can't spell classy without "assy."

Yeah, "go outside, it's summer."

Girls love it when their tits get all dusty. They think it's romantic.

Hey broseph, mind if I can like a pump or two?

You don't plan to have sex in the stacks, it just happens.

"At one point the two of them went into the bedroom where people were already sleeping and started having loud sex on one of the bottom bunks in the room. Another guy who had been trying to sleep on the bunk directly above this scene ran out of the room saying, 'I just can't take it anymore!' When a group of people went to investigate, we found them BOTH PASSED OUT MID THRUST WITH BOTH OF THEIR SHOES ON."

What's this one say? 1 hour of what? God damn it, I knew I should have sprung for the glow-in-the-dark ones.

Janitorial staff, please respect that I'm a college student, my roommate never leaves, and sometimes I need to get my swerve on.

Let's be honest - we can only speculate why your parents bought the couches. Did Moe leave a number?

It's hard to tell who is enjoying it the most, but I suspect it's the carrot.

Doesn't take CSI to put together this crime scene.

Snornography.

"I thought all sex started with a semi."