"Sports" Stuff
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Article:CH Sports Weekly: A Points per Reception Column
Ethan: What a week. NFL scandals and gossip are really coming to a head, and I think a certain team's QB situation will never be the same. So I ask you: Eli vs. Tiki, who are you taking there?Amir: In basketball, Team USA takes on Venezuela...
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CH Sports Weekly: Also Receiving Votes
Ethan: LJ's supposedly close. I guess Russell's got all the leverage. He could join a circus that would pay him to throw from his knees. Or TNA Wrestling. You going to watch PacMan's wrasslin' work? What should he call his finishing move?Amir:...
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Article:Situations That Indicate Certian Retired Athletes May Be Taking Steroids
Terry BradshawVisibly sweaty and ferociously short-tempered Bradshaw attacks FOX NFL Sunday co-host Howie Long with blunt end of Heisman Trophy after Long makes routine on-camera zinger about Bradshaw's baldness.John ElwayFormer Broncos QB Elway...
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CH Sports Weekly: Already Chasing Bonds
Ethan: Look at the end of the "Also Receiving Votes" list. See anything unusual? Oh, yes, Duke received a vote. I guess one of the voters saw some reason for optimism from a team that's won one game the last two seasons. That or Bobby Bowden's...
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Article:The Generic College Football Argument
My God, are they f*cking serious? Honestly, how can they rank _____ ahead of ____!? Who cares if they only had ___ losses last year, they play in the _____ conference. If they played in the _____ conference, they would have way more losses and...
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CH Sports Weekly: We Were Also Traded for KG
Ethan: The MLB trade deadline passed yesterday, and the biggest name to change hands plays basketball, not baseball. Is this a plot by David Stern to make us forget the gambling scandal? Because if so, it's working. Celts automatically a 50...
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CH Sports Weekly: A Rogue Isolated Column
Ethan: This has been the greatest month for non-sports sports stories since O.J. The only way this could get better is if Nicole Brown Simpson's real killer was Tim Donaghy wearing a Bad Newz Kennels shirt. Has the NBA lost all of its...
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Article:
CH Sports Weekly: Proudly Sponsored by Bad Newz Kennels.
Ethan: Only one story we can lead with this week: Michael Vick standing in a courtroom saying, "No, seriously. Where my dogs at?" Any day where you wake up and having herpes isn't on your list of biggest problems has to be terrifying. Do you...
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CH Sports Weekly: This Time it Counts
Ethan: Another year, another All-Star Game, and another year of absolutely pathetic outfield defense in the Home Run Derby. I know they're only eight years old, but when there's fifty of them, they should be able to catch lazy fly balls. I'm...
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CH Sports Weekly: We're Also Trying to Land KG
Ethan: The NBA draft is finally upon us, and after tomorrow night, we can finally stop hearing Oden-or-Durant debates. Well, that or they'll just intensify for the next twenty or so years. Either way, who would you take?Amir: I would take Oden...
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CH Sports Weekly: We're Selling the Kobe Video for Half Off!
Ethan: So the Spurs won. What a surprise. They're very good, so let's not bore people by harping over it. Instead, let's get to the real NBA issue. You're a Lakers fan, so are you excited about the prospect of Kobe being traded? Do you think he'll...
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CH Sports Weekly: Always a No-Hitter. Always.
Ethan: As is always the case this time of year, the big news this week has centered around pro basketball. I know the league hasn't been as popular in recent years, but can you believe that Chamique Holdsclaw would just retire out of the blue...
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CH Sports Weekly: We Never Change Our Minds
Ethan: Straight to the point this week: no bullshit, no gimmicks, no exaggerations. LeBron James is the greatest basketball player in the history of the world and quite possibly the universe.Amir: Manute Bol. If anybody is a man, myth, and...
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CH Sports Weekly: We Are Also Demanding a Trade
Ethan: Let's get straight down to the big question on everyone's mind: is Manu Ginobili eventually going to injure himself flopping? You can't throw yourself to the ground with that much force without somehow hurting yourself at some point....
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CH Sports Weekly: We'll Fight Any Dog. Any Day.
Ethan: Big news of the week wasn't even a game; it was the draft lottery last night. What's the over/under on number of lottery-related suicides in Boston last night?Ethan: I like the logic of "It's his property, he can do whatever the hell he...
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CH Sports Weekly: We Still Believe
Ethan: Slow sports week until yesterday, but thank God we now have something to talk about. How ridiculous are these NBA suspensions?Ethan: Wait, we only care about lacrosse in a courtroom setting. Whats the interesting fact of the week?Amir: The...
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CH Sports Weekly: Never a Split Decision
Ethan: Like the day your mom gets drunk and tells you you were adopted, we all knew this time would come: Roger Clemens is back with the Yankees. Thoughts?Amir: Desperate times call for desperate measures. Isn't his contract Un-prorated more...
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CH Sports Weekly: We're in Chuck's Five
Ethan: We survived roughly ten hours of Chris Berman on Saturday to write another day. Straight to it: what was the biggest surprise of the NFL draft to you?Amir: I was most surprised that the Dolphins GM was an Ohio State freshman eager to meet...
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Article:The 10 Most Obscene Names In Sports History
To any sports fan, there are certain names- Michael Jordan, Lou Gehrig, Bobby Orr, John Elway, Pele- that conjure up iconic images of excellence and determination, and inspire respect and admiration for superior athletes. And then, there's these...
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CH Sports Weekly: Better Than The NFL DRAFT (Day 2)!
Ethan: Huge sports weekend coming up. I've got NFL-draft fever, which is possibly just typhoid. Let's get right to it: do you like JaMarcus Russell with the first pick?Amir: I'm pretty sure he just spent a couple seasons building a ticking time...
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