First ummm.... tan lines from Manhattanville.

Nice shaming, but please buy a real bathing suit.

"Now I have five bars everywhere I go."

"This is what happens when a freshman passes out at a beach party." If he does something like this within days of arrival, imagine what the next four years have in store for him.

"This picture was taken a week after the burn."

No thanks, I can put the sunscreen on myself.

Don't forget to put on suntan lotion once every year or so.

"NEVER! fall asleep on the beach." I'm not even sure what happened, all I know is that it is GROSS.

Lindsay Lohan, after apparently rolling around in a bathtub of cheet-o dust. Bonus sideboob. See you guys at the midnight showing of Herbie: Fully Loaded.

That's what you get for passing out from noon till five.

I'm pretty sure I'm turned on. (nudity)

A nice, even base tan.

"I started my Silence of The Lambs coat after my sunburn started to peel." (gross)

"Is there room for me?"

What, you couldn't improvise pubes?

That's gonna look sweet when it starts to peel.

Police Academy 5 style shaming (the true shame is mine for making a Police Academy 5 joke)

People were getting him and Eve confused.

Sunbathing in Syracuse

I said that you's a ho!