CollegeHumor: Thanksgiving Stuff This Month

How You'll Spend Thanksgiving Night

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 13:00:00 -0500

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:631494"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/d/collegehumor.aefefba05adec0eb158d18dd8d36a1b2.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-11-24 13:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:631494">Kevin Corrigan</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:344"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 141 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Collegiate Winter Preparations

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 12:00:00 -0500

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> It may only be the beginning of November, but before you know it there will be snow on the ground and you'll be staring head-on into the barren wasteland of winter. Take action now, before it's too late!

Develop a solid layer of fat to protect yourself from the cold: odds are you've already gotten a head-start on this one thanks to your campus dining center and drunken late-night pizza binges. While your unsightly rolls of fat may lead you to believe that you are less than attractive to members of the opposite sex, which you definitely are, you can hide your disgusting and well-insulated body in layers of sweat pants and hoodies.
Find a ride home for Thanksgiving/Christmas: now is the time to reconnect with your annoying high school friend with a car who goes to your school. Sure, the kid was annoying as hell and always wanted to tag along with you during Welcome Week, but his beat up Saturn is better than sitting next to a possible prison-escapee on a Greyhound.
Re-establish contact with your high school ex-girlfriend: now is the time for several well-placed facebook messages about wanting to catch up (i.e. hook-up) over break. The endless parade of drunk co-eds comes to a grinding halt the second you step foot into your childhood room, so make sure that you mend the fences that resulted from breaking up with her a week before you both left for school.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:93700"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/3/collegehumor.3086e790ff5c235cb82033b3c27faf0c.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-11-09 12:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:93700">Shawn Dobbins</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:169"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 13 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Crappy Canadian Thanksgiving

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 12:23:00 -0400

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1922740"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/8/7/collegehumor.80034198d31e0671b8afabd7d7358d51.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 124 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

5 People Who Visit on Thanksgiving

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 19:00:00 -0500

The Buzzkill

It's tradition in most households for everyone at the dinner table to talk about what they're thankful for. Most people just go through the motions and speak about something broad, but The Buzzkill is extremely candid. She'll go into excruciating detail about the "tough year" she had and how she's so thankful to have lived through it. Is there anything more awkward than hearing about a single mother struggling to provide for her children when all you want to do is devour delicious turkey? I'm not saying you shouldn't feel bad for her - BUT MASHED POTATOES!

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1648824"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/a/collegehumor.3fc86fae9d1470ed6013e7fafc3e1807.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-11-25 19:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1648824">Brian Murphy</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 243 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Thanksgiving, Translated

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 15:00:00 -0500

I love Thanksgiving.

I love eating.

You're still down at the kids table, sweetheart.

I'll never respect you as an adult.

Ha! You kids just can't wait to finish your meals and get back to that Wii machine, can't you?

I can't believe I stormed Omaha Beach to make way for your generation.

Yeah, I'm actually on the Ultimate Frisbee team at school?

I'm smoking a lot of pot at school.

Son, why don't you drive home this year.

Son, I'm drunk.

So have you decided on a major yet?

You're an embarrassment to our family.

Let's go out and toss the old pig skin.

Let's not help with cleaning up.

I can't believe it's almost Christmas time!

I can't believe I have to see you people again in a month!

It's great to see the whole family together.

Could someone please pass the wine?

Can someone please pass the wine?

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, COULD SOMEONE PLEASE PASS THE WINE!

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/5/collegehumor.410f4f84538571c78218e93585c6a5bb.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-11-26 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 239 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Macy's Parade Rick Roll

Fri, 28 Nov 2008 11:00:00 -0500

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1891924"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/9/collegehumor.ee9edb4b86f11c611a2580f9cd733511.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 644 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

New Thanksgiving Foods

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 14:00:00 -0500

Cow-Goat-Pig

Cranberry Sauce-Mashed Potato-Yam

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:631494"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/d/collegehumor.aefefba05adec0eb158d18dd8d36a1b2.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-11-26 14:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:631494">Kevin Corrigan</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:344"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 106 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

The Night Before Thanksgiving

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 18:00:00 -0500

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> 'Twas the night before Thanksgiving, when all through the town,
Every creature was stirring their mixed drinks around;
The Natties were poured into solos with care,
In hopes that old drinking buddies soon would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While Mommy and Daddy got ripped outta their heads;

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1657072"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/8/collegehumor.06098b8bb7a6234c386249d817f7bddb.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-11-26 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1657072">Conor McKeon</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:529"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 109 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Conversations Heard Around the Kids Table at the First Thanksgiving

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 16:00:00 -0500

Historical Accuracy
Squantos Son: Hey, my family hunted all last week for today's feast. Are you excited to try all these things? I bet its different then what your used to.
Nathaniel: Hey guess what? After the feast my daddy says he's gonna take all your land and horses...
Father: NATHANIEL! WHAT DID I TELL YOU BEFORE WE GOT HERE...I DID not. You ought silence yourself! - I'm sure he simply mistunderstood our discussion about a treaty...um pass the salt please Squanto...

Envy
"WOW is that reaaaal bow and arrows you have?"
"Yes. I received it a few moons ago. "
"COOOL, father says I can't have fun with a musket or anything until I'm at least 13. you're so lucky. So do you get to shoot it for fun?"
"Nah, mostly just so my tribe doesn't starve."
"AWESOME."

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1619496"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/f/4/collegehumor.05e2f39f222243f9564f9b6480493fbc.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-11-26 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1619496">Scott Hinners</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 17 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

"A bacon-wrapped turkey stuffed with mini-tacos."

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 19:55:00 -0500

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1891659"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/2/5/collegehumor.75b40132f9b62e15357d41350074bcbe.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 32 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

How To Attend A Thanksgiving Break Party

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 18:00:00 -0500

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Gain Weight

You've been at college for the better part of three months, and in this time you've gone to a few classes, made a few friends, drank a few beers, and made far too many trips to the dessert bar. Instead of owning up to the fact that you now barely fit into your t-shirts and exclusively wear sweat pants, you continue on with your Easy Mac eating ways, oblivious to your growing gut. On the bright side, you are not alone. You'll be surprised to find that many of your friends, both male and female, have put on a few extra pounds. Instead of wallowing in your grease-laden tears, throw caution to the wind and drink 13 Natty Ice's with your high school friends and then go home to drunkenly eat all of the Thanksgiving leftovers.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:93700"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/3/collegehumor.3086e790ff5c235cb82033b3c27faf0c.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-11-24 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:93700">Shawn Dobbins</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:169"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 71 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

There's a wikipedia of assholes? Put me down for a 32-volume leather-bound set

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 08:00:00 -0500

Palin Pardons Turkey, But Not That One

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 13:19:00 -0500

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1891311"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/e/collegehumor.423444ba2b70ca84e9d7b7aec1e66a30.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 61 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Being Wal-Mart's most talented stock boy is a like being community college valedictorian.

Wed, 09 Jan 2008 11:04:00 -0500

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1796289"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/c/collegehumor.30832e3b435ca3c27bd7026c8f0bf46e.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 154 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

The Longer You Sat At Thanksgiving Dinner

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 13:56:42 -0500

Urgency of defecation break

Amount of turnips eaten

Amount of mashed potatoes eaten

Wine drunk

Tolerability of own family

Attractiveness of second cousin

Living grandparents

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/5/collegehumor.410f4f84538571c78218e93585c6a5bb.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-11-20 13:56:42 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 137 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

How to Get a Girl from Your High School Class While You're Home for Thanksgiving

Mon, 19 Nov 2007 17:55:19 -0500

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Thanksgiving. You get a handful of days off school and schlep all the way home so that you can eat one meal. The rest of the time you don’t have anything to do but hang out with old high school friends at the home of that guy who used to throw all the parties because he had, and undoubtedly still has, irresponsible parents. Welcome to your Thanksgiving-Hook-Up arena. The dudes are ugly, the girls are lonely, and there’s leftover turkey in the fridge.

I should point out that one of the things that makes the Thanksgiving hook-up so joyously easy is that it does not and should not have anything to do with starting a lasting relationship. Meaning, your wooing technique need not contain the promise of longevity and can be almost entirely superficial.

This is where your Thanksgiving-Hook-up-Secret-Weapon comes into play: the sweater.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/4/collegehumor.8879997c887ae4b37f766c44f2de531f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-11-19 17:55:19 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989">Susanna Wolff</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:53"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 57 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

A turduckenson - a chicken inside a duck inside a turkey inside a person.

Sun, 03 Dec 2006 16:22:00 -0500

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1727049"><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/b/collegehumor.daa53b3016e1a8531e6231db487f581e.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:35065">jason</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 7 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

"My 7-year-old brother fell asleep quickly after consuming a monsterous amount of turkey; so my cousins thought it would be fun to pile his dinosaur toys on top of him."

Wed, 29 Nov 2006 11:45:49 -0500

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1727076"><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/8/b/collegehumor.05ddc09819d3eab84fd9deab9775e84f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:47125">Caity C</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:140"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 74 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Super Sloppy Thanksgiving

Mon, 20 Nov 2006 18:03:26 -0500

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1726131"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/0/collegehumor.9dd286e3d01438b77f60f9406498af18.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 647 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Oh, I think we'll be fine.

Mon, 20 Nov 2006 10:01:00 -0500

<table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1725811"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/6/8/collegehumor.bed81d86a31d72dce39f0fd8596c318a.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:87785">Frank Roberts</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 252 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />