Steven Tyler Is Looking For Something New

The Onion: Steven Tyler Laid Off From Aerosmith As Band's Jobless Rate Hits 20%

This is what Miley Cyrus will look like in 2010

The Onion: Entertainment Scientists Warn Miley Cyrus Will Be Depleted by 2013

The consequence of starting up a casual conversation in the men's locker room shower

The Onion: "Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?"

You've got to admit, the death penalty is pretty badass

The Onion: Supreme Court Rules Death Penalty Is 'Totally Badass'

That's right, blame the players for your bad fantasy baseball team

The Onion: Fantasy Baseball Owner Rips Team In Media

Like the Tony Awards, but for drama club nerds

The Onion: High School Tony Awards Honor Nation's Biggest Drama Club Nerds

World of Warcraft players are exactly the type of people who would like this.

The Onion: 'Warcraft' Sequel Lets Gamers Play A Character Playing 'Warcraft'

Pau Gasol could learn a lot by googling 'Lakers + Celtics + Rivalry'

The Onion: Pau Gasol Googles 'Lakers + Celtics + Rivalry'

It was only a matter of time before they made Nike horseshoes

Nike Signs Big Brown To $90 Million Horseshoe Contract

Classic story: a new roommate who won't shut up about his five-hour f*ckfest

The Onion: "New Roommate Hopes Five-Hour F*ckfest Didn't Keep You Up"

Archival footage shows how movies used to be "rented" in "video stores"

The Onion: Historic ‘Blockbuster’ Store Offers Glimpse Of How Movies Were Rented In The Past

Hard to explain any simpler: this goalie clearly lives in the net

The Onion, Sports: One NHL goalie has actually taken up residence in his net.

The 2008 Take-Your-Daughter-To-War Day was a huge success

Finally, some fresh Heath news

From The Onion: Area Man Honored To Be One Who Added Death Date To Heath Ledger's Wikipedia Page

This ridiculous Thai sport is a combination of volleyball and soccer

The Onion reports on a recent controversy in the Thai sport of Takraw.

Colombia is the world's leading exporter of whatever it is you're looking for

Another great edition of the Onion's Atlas Of The Planet, this time featuring facts about Columbia. Most of the facts are cocaine-related.

Back in Turbo's day, being an American Gladiator actually meant something

The Onion examines how one former Gladiator reacts to the reincarnation of the franchise.

Onion News Network 'Iron Man' Report

Onion News Network correspondents discuss Paramount's decision to adapt the wildly popular 'Iron Man' trailer into a full-length film.rn