Realization: A LimerickOne day in McDonald’s I satWhen I got really mad that I’m fatTo stop my self-loathingI bought some new clothingTwo sizes two big, and that’s thatBeer: A HaikuI was a drinkerThen I stopped for health...
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I must be frank, to say the least;Your music taste's quite blandWhich is why I must inquireIf you're familiar with the bandYou mean to claim you have not heardThis grand musical treasure?My poor dear sir, you've been deprivedOf certain aural...
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Because I watch "The View" sometimesAnd "Sex in the City" That doesn’t mean you jerks can doubtMy sexuality. I wear a scarf, paint my toenailsBut so do lots of guysLike Dave Navarro, the dude with The dark and piercing...
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We, members of the platypus species, haveMade an observationIt is just a small matter which concernsThe whole platypus populationFor the English language has created a conundrumOn forms of many or oneWe don't know to which source to turnWhat ever,...
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If I was gay, I would have sex with Hugh Jackman.If I was a woman, I would have sex with Hugh Jackman.If I was magic, I would turn myself into Patrick Stewart, so I can star opposite Hugh Jackman in the X-men movies.If I was Wayne Gretzky, I...
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MyPod I got into the subway this morningI saw a manHis lips were...movingMoving like mineHe was singingthe exactsamesongthat I was listening to.In all the world...two iPodswith the exact same song onat the exact same moment.OK,that didn't really...
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O Casserole, Casserole! What food art thou, Casserole? Your description reads, “Sunday Surprise” ‘Tis but thy name that is my enemy; Thou art thyself though, a true surprise?What’s a surprise? It is nor meat, nor grain,Nor...
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There's some things in life that I can't understandLike people who mumble, or meat that is cannedBut one thing I think that is way out of handAre people called "guidos" who live in this land.One night I had tea, and a chocolate biscottiWalked by...
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My turn's fast approaching, my speech it grows nearBut my heart is filled with apprehension and fear.Though I am not unready, I did enough to prepareI just didn’t plan on having a boner to share.The teacher looks my way and calls me to speak,...
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The music is blaring, the bass shakes my feetThe kids all get down to the block-rockin’ beatA seat at the bar I will take all aloneI act like I’m waiting, keep checking my phoneI sip my Bacardi and check out the sceneCute girls in...
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The components of the body are incredibleThe arms, the legs, the backBut none quite so delightfulAs my huge, ginormous rack.And yes, before you ponder"Are they real or are they fake?"They are 100% all-natural:Of that, make no mistake.While it's...
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(In the style of Robert Frost)Whose bed this is, I do not know.This house might be down on frat row;He will not see me leaving hereTo watch his morning boner grow.My little feet must think it queerTo be tip-toeing through this beerBefore I leave,...
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Thou cold unopened tin of pure splendor, Thou frosty gray tower of the Cheap Buzz,You are the source of our endless benders And memories of last night rimmed with fuzz. Frat house historian, whose dents and bruises Proclaim the ebb and flow...
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Cups numbered ten on opposing sides,Beer flowing like the swelling tides.Not too much, it is early yet, hold it, hold it:Pong, pong, pong.A majestic pyramid laid horizontal, balls soaring,Gravity paints a furious arc as spheres slice through air,...
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Today's Poetry Corner features not one, but two poems from our readers -- a haiku for our Japanese friends, and a sonnet for our 400-year-old English friends. Enjoy!THE ART OF HAIKUby Dan VerdelA haiku storyIt is hard to make things fitSometimes,...
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I thought tonight I'd meet a ladyI thought I'd bring her homeI thought we'd spend the night togetherbut instead I sleep aloneMy buddy Steve had seen her firstI had no plans to interfereThey hit it off and left togetherand left me with my...
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Oh, eleven inch piece of plastic,So shiny and bright.You're all that's in bed with me,At the end of most nights.You're always there,I'm never in need.You never pressure or force me,Into doing the deed.You don't expect much,Sputtering and chugging...
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Bequeath unto me a Swisher Sweet, pray! Hath God made more magnificent a scent? Not e'en the flowers of the most lavish bouquet Could make a man such as I so contentO, ambrosia! Sweet Wild Irish Rose!May your nectar reach deep to my soul The great...
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After a horrid mix of beer and wine And too much time spent in a darkened barFrom the dense crowd emerged a woman fineAs cute as any, at least from afar. “She’s a nine, at least; nay, she’s even more!”My friends urged me on...
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50 Cent bit his lip as he hoisted his swordPreparing for the advancing, awful hordeComprised of vicious beasts, orcs and trollsOgres, dragons, rats, and even gnollsNo fear in his eyes, just gangsta beatsMithril armor around gangsta feetsThe 36...
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