Venn Candygram

Amount of Weight You've Gained Since School Started

Half-eaten chili dogs left under your mattressHigh School friends saying "you've filled out."High School friends saying "Holy Sh*t!"High School friends impressed with "College You"Self-Deprecating "Freshman 15" JokesLikelihood your nickname is "...

Breakdown of Your Trick-Or-Treat Candy

The More Twitter Followers You Have

Meaningful social interactionActual followersSluttiness of custom backgroundSense of self worthSelf worthCommunications longer than this very message you are currently reading right now at this very moment. You know, not more than 140...

The More Clubs You Belong To

Grades in schoolLength of resumeJob perspectivesHow much you value free pizzaLikelihood you accidentally join a Christian Youth societyMoney appropriated in a useful mannerArchery Accuracy

The Longer You Stay With Your Highschool GF/BF Freshman Year

Hotness of significant otherMasturbationHappinessAbility to recite her phone number from memoryExcitement about video chat sexOpportunities missedAwkward proms attendedProbability you transfer to a community college and then she dumps you

The Bigger Your Lecture Hall

AttendanceChance that you're a communications majorAttractive members of the opposite sexAttractive members of the opposite sex spoken toAbility to fart in class without being blamed for itChance this is the "professor that rides in on a...

The More Fan Fiction You Write

Livejournal accountsConnection with realitySexual attraction to Sonic the hedgehogBea Arthur, Super Saiyan 4 Gojita hook-ups written aboutBea Arthur going Super Saiyan 4Cease and Desist lettersFans of your fluid proseFans of your lurid...

The More Credits You Take This Semester

Mental breakdownsFree time on nights/weekendsOffice hours visitedAmount you love lifeNumber of times you wake up in the middle of the night to scream F*CKHatred for humanityDoodles made

Number of Ice Breakers Played

LiesTruthsRespect for RAPercent hot girls' names learnedPercent ugly girls and other guys' names learnedHow excited you are to finally be in collegeAmount you focus on girl with low cut tanktop

The Crappier Your Wireless Connection

Amount of time spent on the InternetIntensity of orgasmYour willingness to click "Keep Reading"Hassle of having to go to plug in 1TB external harddrive for pornQuality of LifeFull images

Days Left Until School Starts

Horrified flashbacks of school yearFrequency your Mom asks if you need more socksJC Pennys visitiedBreak ups with summer flingTimes gone back to summer fling for one more hook upFive-Stars boughtFive-Stars given

Miles Traveled on Your Family RoadTrip

Distance from homeTime you spend plotting ways to quietly kill a member of your familyHow much you hate your parentsComfortability pooping at rest stopsNumber of times your dad swears he's going to turn this car aroundLikelihood You're An...

The More You Read

Understanding of semi-colonsWondrous, far-off lands discoveredHow much fun it is to talk to youHatred for the Harry Potter booksLikelihood that you have Closed Captioning onSwirlies recieved back in high schoolHow impressive your English papers...

The More You Hookup

Chance your name is Chastity, Temptress, or SkyyCamp girlfriends you swear you've hadProbability the door to your room revolvesDesire to hook up moreProbability it's not just an ingrown hairThe more of an AWESOME PIMP (male) or ANNOYING SLUT (...

The More Movies You've Seen This Summer

Collection of 3D glassesExcitement for real lifeFandango spamSubtle racismWorlds saved at the last possible second by an unlikely hero with no prior training and a suspiciously hot girlfriendChance that you're that hero

The Hotter Your Girlfriend

Self confidenceDiscomfort caused by divorced Uncle NedNumber of heterosexual single guy friends from back in grade school that still talk to her a lotMasturbationThe chances of being a seventy-nine year old oil baron with emphysemaAmount of time...

Size of Your Sunglasses

AgePerceived beautyActual beautyChances you're hiding a black eyeHow much of an a**hole you areChances your name is Bozo

The Tanner You Get

How healthy you lookSpontaneous combustionDJ, Stephanie, MichelleUncle JoeyNumber of Bauhaus songs on your iPodLife expectancyCloseness to the equatorCloseness to Long Island

Smell/Taste Matrix