Dr. Seuss As A Pledge

I cannot drink this Jaeger bomb,I cannot drink one, Kegmeister Tom.I cannot take one with a chaser,I'd rather have a Mind Eraser.I cannot take one with some cattle,I'd rather my ass meet with the paddle.If I had one it'd make me holler,And likely...

A Desperate Affair via the Tedious Grading of English Papers

               You, with it in your hand. Looking over my work. Ready to score.Me, saying dirty things. Hoping it fits the criteria.         You,...

The On-Campus Larpers: A Poem

The dragon's fire burned as the warriors foughtfresh from the feast of the lunch that they had bought"These broadswords are steel, they're real," they thoughtthough battle with dragons is a glory hard wroughtFrom the dining hall come...

"I Know": A Poem

I know a girl who loves me more than I doI know a world of girls that I've lied to who have tried to.I know I'm not the man I'd aspired to become.I know my parts don't equal my sum.I know what they total.I know that it's more than a mole hill.I...

An Extremely Dramatic Poem About Something Unimportant

Vestigial organs, alas!Your worthlessness saddens me.O, male nipples!You dispense no milk,Provide no sweet respite for aWeeping, thirsty babe.No, you exist but to be transformed         Via purple assault&...

Notes From My Roommate, William Carlos Williams

Haikunnilingus

She wants to get offBut you drank too much, retard.Time to go diving.You've done this beforeIt's not that difficult, right?Don't gag, you drunk assWell, here goes nothing.Kiss your way down her stomach...Tease her for a sec.Remember health class?...