Wait a second, I have an even better idea. Get the snorkel!

"I can tell you from experience that an overhead dog attack is much worse than your every day earthbound dog attacks."

Dude, be careful. Girls hate it when you leave the toilet seat up.

Wow, this no zoom lens is working gr-OHMYGOD.

Check it out, as long as we're not wearing shirts we can't electrocuted. It's science, I saw it in Tango and Cash.

Sorry, I already donated my car to underprivileged children with no hands.

"For the past 3 Christmas's my mum has given me the same book each time forgetting that the previous year I gave it back to her because she had already bought it for me."

Oxymoron of the day - motorcycle child safety seat.

I'm not worried, he looks like he can handle himself.

You're going to need a bigger boat.

0.1 0.1 0.2 0.3 0.1

Try touching my MacBook, does it feel like it's running hot to you?

To be fair, Slip N Slide was never really a great idea in the first place.

If she crosses your path it's 20 years bad luck.

Been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding.

"The last picture I ever took."

Did 4C1DBURN get the seat next to you?

Rosie O'Donnell believes there wasn't any natural way for this tower to fall.

Hard to read, so let me help.
"If you or someone you know touched a bat near [blah blah blah] Environmental Health & Safety needs to talk to you. [blah blah blah]."