"Valentine's Day" Articles

Least Popular Children's Valentines

Co-written and Photoshopped by Katie Marino.

Valentine's Day Poem Guide

With the economy the way it is, you're probably worried you won't have enough money to buy a present for that special someone. That's why you should do something free like write a poem. "But Brian, I'm un-artistic and dumb. How is someone like me...

Valentine's Day Cards to Hand Out at the Bar

Oh, Damn! Valentine's Day was 14 Weeks Ago?

Jesus! Is it May Already? Kelly is gonna be so mad. I wonder if she's realized yet. Oh man, Valentine's Day was 14 weeks ago. I can't believe I forgot again.OK. Calm down. It's time for some major damage control.I don't think she gave me anything...

A Guy Tries To Get His Girlfriend To Return A Necklace He Bought Her That Just Went On Sale

Guy: Hey baby (Kisses girl) the necklace looks great.Girl: I know! Thank you so much, it’s perfect.Guy: Really? Are you sure?Girl: Of course I’m sure, it’s wonderful. It must have cost a fortune.Guy: Yeah. (Pause) Are you sure?...

The Style Guys Review Your Valentine's Day Plans

The Style Guys have been laying low since ripping into your terrible family over Christmas break. But now they’re back to be overly critical of your Valentines Day plans. Let’s see how they’ll hurt your feelings this holiday!...

Adolf Hitler Brainstorms Valentines...

Dear Eva,-Will you be Mein (Kampf)?-Be my valentine and heil love you forever.-Love me or I'll end you. I f*cking swear to god I'll end your life.-This Valentines Day I can't bear to be without you (maybe draw a picture of a cute bear?)-I reich...

Valentine's Day For Single People

Everybody knows Valentines Day is a Hallmark Holiday. Just like Mothers Day, just like President's Day, and just like your best friend's birthday. It's just a stupid holiday for stupid people and their stupid girlfriends to make them feel better...

Valentine's 2007: Less Flowers, More Deflowering

Valentine's Day comes in a close second to Christmas as the most commercialized holiday in America. And by commercialized, I mean “dreaded like a herpes infection spread by one Hallmark card at a time.” Window decorations let you know...

Hey Fellas, Looking To Not Get Laid This Valentines Day?

If so, I've got the thing to give your special lady!Nothing says, "Don't F*ck Me" like a Larry The Cable Guy-themed box of crappy chocolates!

Babe, About Valentine's Day...

Stacy,First off, Happy V-Day. Listen, I don't think we necessarily HAVE to go out to dinner. Before you freak out, just let me explain. Hear me out.First off, you know I haven't gotten my paycheck in two weeks. The stupid Food Services people in...