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1. Sylvester Stallone cannot, apparently, deliver more than 10 lines of dialogue per film.2. This may or may not be a bad thing.3. If you don't have an ethnically diverse squadron of mercenaries with you, don't expect to get anything done.4....
1. San Dimas High School football rules.2. Chewing gum can be used to fix a time machine.3. Napoleon likes ice cream and water slides.4. You can beat up Amish people and still get into heaven.5. Death sucks at just about every game ever.6. Every...
1. Getting kicked out of school causes for celebration. Celebration consists of two antidepressants and songs nobodies ever heard of.2. In public school the only friends you can make the first day are kids with IQ's under 100 and the dean's...
1. When kids skip grades, their classmates torture and harass them until the day of graduation.2. If you love rock music and hate your mother, you should become a stewardess.3. In the rock business, even if you look like you're 12, people will...
1. That boys will be okay with the fact that a girl tricks her older brother into having sex with her if there is a creepy-ass ghost lady haunting her bedroom.2. How to make tranquilizer darts that will knock out a cougar.3. That one should never...
1. Mayans are very greedy with their weed. An arm and a leg is as low as they're willing to go for a sack.2. Tequila makes for a very unreliable form of anesthesia.3. Diarrhea from the drinking water and herpes from that chick from Arizona State...
1. Despite being 12 years old, Abigail Breslin has fallen victim to the pressures of Hollywood and definitely dropped like 10 pounds to play this role.2. I'm a disgusting human for noticing/commenting on this.3. At any given time, the person...
1.) British men are unable to trim their own facial hair.2.) No one in London is perceptive enough to notice that 99 percent of the people who walk into Sweeney's dimly-lit, macabre-looking establishment never walk back out.3.) These two major...
1) Interactive comic books will be the next big thing.2) Entry-level computer programmers make enough money to rent and furnish a lavish NYC apartment.3) You can get a job with zero experience, no background information, and without filling out a...
1. Above all, be nice. If someone calls me a name, be nice. Dalton will let me know when it's time not to be nice.2. Pain don't hurt.3. Despite what movies, videogames, professional boxing and the UFC say, no one ever wins a fight.4....
1. If an airline equipped a 747 with spinners, airports would be segregated.2. All other black people drink nothing but Krystaal and Hypnotiq on Ice.3. If you end up running an airline, always drug test your pilots. Especially if their name is...
1. Bad Haircut= Oscar Gold2. If someone has a canister of oxygen attached to a rod, don't let them touch your forehead with said rod.3. Silenced shotguns are the coolest weapons ever.4. There might be a country for old men, but Texas ain't it.5....
1.) Crispin Glover was born to play the role of George McFly... and therefore has no particular reason to still be alive.2.) It's possible to carry on a perfectly normal relationship with your mother, even after she's tried to have sex with...
1. Not to sound gay, but Jesus probably pulled SO much tail back in the day. I mean he was practically worshipped by so many people. Like an ancient rockstar. Seriously, chicks washed his feet for nothing in return.2. So apparently he comes...
1) Even if you have hardcore, physical evidence to support your crazy supernatural claims, it will somehow disappear before your biggest naysayer gets to see it. 2) Old ladies hate crazy preacher ladies and will display that hatred by chucking...
1. A substance-abusing hotshot must still be a good actor to portray a substance-abusing hotshot.2. From now on, ride with Rhodey.3. It is much simpler to build a supercharged battery/electromagnet that fits in a permanent hole in your chest...
1. It is not a horror movie about some sort of half-man half-bear creature that goes around killing horny teenagers.2. Sometimes grizzly bears poop when they fight. What a normal person does when they see bear poop is nothing, what a crazy person...
1. Coffee, well known for its dehydrating properties, will prevent your piss from coming out like snot.2. Being forced into a police lineup is a fun way to meet new friends.3. There is a country out there somewhere producing men with accents like...
-->The best time to fight the vampires is 10 minutes before the sun rises. Don't try and wait it out.
1. Mercilessly beating up kids is okay, as long as you a) are a senior b) use a paddle you made in wood shop c) they are freshmen.2. Beer fixes everything.3. If you have a cool car and a mustache you can be 24 and hook up with high school girls...
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