People who are arrested for breaking and entering & attempted murder are put in a magical jail cell where they are easily able to break out in two years, just in time for a sequel."The Sticky Bandits" would make a great band name.It was highly...
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21 Comments
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2 years ago 
1. In California, every girl is smokin' hot. 2. In California, every house has a 52" plasma TV. 3. In California, Bruce Willis somehow sired Emile Hirsch. 4. If Justin Timberlake offers you a chance to get on a bus and go home, take it, no matter...
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29 Comments
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2 years ago 
1. Apparently the Titanic had survivors?? And as of 1997, they were really old.2. Chicks love mysterious, artsy guys.3. Or do they just love guys named Jack?4. Or only guys that look like Leo DiCaprio?? Whatever.5. If you stand at...
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21 Comments
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2 years ago 
1. Back-flips are cool. Really really cool.2. In New York City, movie tickets cost $11.25. In Baltimore, people (supposedly) dance for free on the streets.3. The streets is about where you're from. I thought they were about where you're going.4....
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28 Comments
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2 years ago 
1) If Sean Penn's directorial debut taught me anything, it's that Sean Penn could not direct himself out of a paper bag.2) Not even the toughest wilderness conditions can stop a 23 year old boy from writing with bubble letter exclamation...
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66 Comments
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2 years ago
1) All guys are creeps. Gynecologists are creeps, step brothers are creeps, guys in high school are creeps, and even guys who have sworn to celibacy are creeps. The only way to teach them not be creeps is to sleep with them, and bite their...
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28 Comments
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2 years ago 
1) Interactive comic books will be the next big thing.2) Entry-level computer programmers make enough money to rent and furnish a lavish NYC apartment.3) You can get a job with zero experience, no background information, and without filling out a...
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2 Comments
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2 years ago 
1. NOT how to count cards.2. Kids at MIT are amazing at physics, except for the physics of dribbling and shooting a basketball.3. When you go to MIT, your first internship is working in a men's clothing store for less than $8/hr.4. Planet...
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3 Comments
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2 years ago
1. If an airline equipped a 747 with spinners, airports would be segregated.2. All other black people drink nothing but Krystaal and Hypnotiq on Ice.3. If you end up running an airline, always drug test your pilots. Especially if their name is...
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3 Comments
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2 years ago 
1. San Dimas High School football rules.2. Chewing gum can be used to fix a time machine.3. Napoleon likes ice cream and water slides.4. You can beat up Amish people and still get into heaven.5. Death sucks at just about every game ever.6. Every...
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2 Comments
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2 years ago 
1.) Crispin Glover was born to play the role of George McFly... and therefore has no particular reason to still be alive.2.) It's possible to carry on a perfectly normal relationship with your mother, even after she's tried to have sex with...
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10 Comments
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2 years ago 
1. When kids skip grades, their classmates torture and harass them until the day of graduation.2. If you love rock music and hate your mother, you should become a stewardess.3. In the rock business, even if you look like you're 12, people will...
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5 Comments
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2 years ago 
1) Even if you have hardcore, physical evidence to support your crazy supernatural claims, it will somehow disappear before your biggest naysayer gets to see it. 2) Old ladies hate crazy preacher ladies and will display that hatred by chucking...
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3 Comments
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2 years ago 
1. Mayans are very greedy with their weed. An arm and a leg is as low as they're willing to go for a sack.2. Tequila makes for a very unreliable form of anesthesia.3. Diarrhea from the drinking water and herpes from that chick from Arizona State...
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7 Comments
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2 years ago 
1. It is not a horror movie about some sort of half-man half-bear creature that goes around killing horny teenagers.2. Sometimes grizzly bears poop when they fight. What a normal person does when they see bear poop is nothing, what a crazy person...
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5 Comments
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2 years ago
1.) British men are unable to trim their own facial hair.2.) No one in London is perceptive enough to notice that 99 percent of the people who walk into Sweeney's dimly-lit, macabre-looking establishment never walk back out.3.) These two major...
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5 Comments
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2 years ago 
1. Above all, be nice. If someone calls me a name, be nice. Dalton will let me know when it's time not to be nice.2. Pain don't hurt.3. Despite what movies, videogames, professional boxing and the UFC say, no one ever wins a fight.4....
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1 Comment
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2 years ago
1. Mercilessly beating up kids is okay, as long as you a) are a senior b) use a paddle you made in wood shop c) they are freshmen.2. Beer fixes everything.3. If you have a cool car and a mustache you can be 24 and hook up with high school girls...
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4 Comments
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2 years ago 
1. Bad Haircut= Oscar Gold2. If someone has a canister of oxygen attached to a rod, don't let them touch your forehead with said rod.3. Silenced shotguns are the coolest weapons ever.4. There might be a country for old men, but Texas ain't it.5....
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7 Comments
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2 years ago 
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