People who are arrested for breaking and entering & attempted murder are put in a magical jail cell where they are easily able to break out in two years, just in time for a sequel."The Sticky Bandits" would make a great band name.It was highly...
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21 Comments
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2 years ago 
1. In California, every girl is smokin' hot. 2. In California, every house has a 52" plasma TV. 3. In California, Bruce Willis somehow sired Emile Hirsch. 4. If Justin Timberlake offers you a chance to get on a bus and go home, take it, no matter...
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29 Comments
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2 years ago 
1. Apparently the Titanic had survivors?? And as of 1997, they were really old.2. Chicks love mysterious, artsy guys.3. Or do they just love guys named Jack?4. Or only guys that look like Leo DiCaprio?? Whatever.5. If you stand at...
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21 Comments
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2 years ago 
1. Back-flips are cool. Really really cool.2. In New York City, movie tickets cost $11.25. In Baltimore, people (supposedly) dance for free on the streets.3. The streets is about where you're from. I thought they were about where you're going.4....
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28 Comments
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2 years ago 
1) If Sean Penn's directorial debut taught me anything, it's that Sean Penn could not direct himself out of a paper bag.2) Not even the toughest wilderness conditions can stop a 23 year old boy from writing with bubble letter exclamation...
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66 Comments
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2 years ago
1) All guys are creeps. Gynecologists are creeps, step brothers are creeps, guys in high school are creeps, and even guys who have sworn to celibacy are creeps. The only way to teach them not be creeps is to sleep with them, and bite their...
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28 Comments
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2 years ago 
1) Even if you have hardcore, physical evidence to support your crazy supernatural claims, it will somehow disappear before your biggest naysayer gets to see it. 2) Old ladies hate crazy preacher ladies and will display that hatred by chucking...
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3 Comments
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2 years ago 
1. Mayans are very greedy with their weed. An arm and a leg is as low as they're willing to go for a sack.2. Tequila makes for a very unreliable form of anesthesia.3. Diarrhea from the drinking water and herpes from that chick from Arizona State...
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7 Comments
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2 years ago 
1. It is not a horror movie about some sort of half-man half-bear creature that goes around killing horny teenagers.2. Sometimes grizzly bears poop when they fight. What a normal person does when they see bear poop is nothing, what a crazy person...
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5 Comments
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2 years ago 
1.) British men are unable to trim their own facial hair.2.) No one in London is perceptive enough to notice that 99 percent of the people who walk into Sweeney's dimly-lit, macabre-looking establishment never walk back out.3.) These two major...
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5 Comments
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2 years ago 
1. Above all, be nice. If someone calls me a name, be nice. Dalton will let me know when it's time not to be nice.2. Pain don't hurt.3. Despite what movies, videogames, professional boxing and the UFC say, no one ever wins a fight.4....
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1 Comment
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2 years ago 
1. Mercilessly beating up kids is okay, as long as you a) are a senior b) use a paddle you made in wood shop c) they are freshmen.2. Beer fixes everything.3. If you have a cool car and a mustache you can be 24 and hook up with high school girls...
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4 Comments
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2 years ago 
1. Bad Haircut= Oscar Gold2. If someone has a canister of oxygen attached to a rod, don't let them touch your forehead with said rod.3. Silenced shotguns are the coolest weapons ever.4. There might be a country for old men, but Texas ain't it.5....
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7 Comments
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2 years ago 
1. Sylvester Stallone cannot, apparently, deliver more than 10 lines of dialogue per film.2. This may or may not be a bad thing.3. If you don't have an ethnically diverse squadron of mercenaries with you, don't expect to get anything done.4....
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1 Comment
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2 years ago
1. Not to sound gay, but Jesus probably pulled SO much tail back in the day. I mean he was practically worshipped by so many people. Like an ancient rockstar. Seriously, chicks washed his feet for nothing in return.2. So apparently he comes...
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3 Comments
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2 years ago 
1. Getting kicked out of school causes for celebration. Celebration consists of two antidepressants and songs nobodies ever heard of.2. In public school the only friends you can make the first day are kids with IQ's under 100 and the dean's...
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1 Comment
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2 years ago
1. In real life, Gary Busey is insane. In movies, Gary Busey "acts" to become normal. He is the Superman/Clark Kent of actors.2. The greatest swells come every 50 years.3. Dudes named "War Child" like to fight.4. Surfing at night is super...
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5 Comments
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2 years ago 
1. A substance-abusing hotshot must still be a good actor to portray a substance-abusing hotshot.2. From now on, ride with Rhodey.3. It is much simpler to build a supercharged battery/electromagnet that fits in a permanent hole in your chest...
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2 Comments
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2 years ago
1. That boys will be okay with the fact that a girl tricks her older brother into having sex with her if there is a creepy-ass ghost lady haunting her bedroom.2. How to make tranquilizer darts that will knock out a cougar.3. That one should never...
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6 Comments
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2 years ago 
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