5. Tangled Earbuds
Go ahead, wrap up your earbuds before you put them in your pocket. It won't matter. It never matters. As soon as you remove them once again they'll take five goddamn minutes of untangling before you can use them. Whisper it, but you might as well just read a book on your morning commute.
4. Crying children in public places
They say children are our future. So look forward to a future of breaking down into furious tears at the slightest thing going wrong, I guess. Airplanes already charge you for owning stuff, now they want you to hold your tongue about the tiny cans of diet coke they give you while Cryey McCryerson over there screams bloody murder because his socks are itchy? No sir.
3. People Who Make Noise in Movie Theaters
Going to the movies is expensive, which is why it's almost inexplicable some people go and spend the whole time texting and laughing and asking stupid questions (see #10). Maybe the low lights, loud volume and the fact everyone else is shutting up is a sign that everyone should shut up. Read the room, guys.
2. Slow Walkers
Some people like to take the time to enjoy the world as they walk, taking in the sights and sounds of their surroundings as they explore and try to make sense of this crazy world. Those people need to shut the hell up and get a move on. We're very important people with places to be and candy to buy. Keep up or get out of the way, slow walkers.
1. The Duck Face
One day not long ago some girl was pranked into thinking if she made a specific stupid face she'd look even more attractive in photos. Somehow she believed them, and soon everyone she knew was inexplicably ruining every picture taken of them. The rest is history, documented thoroughly by your facebook feed if you haven't had the good sense to delete everyone you went to high school with already.