Border Collie

5. Border Collie

Border Collies are pretty similar to regular Collies, only thinner and extra spotty. So they're pretty much just better Collies. Man, they should call this breed "Better Collie", huh?! They're also known as one of the smartest breeds, meaning they probably acknowledge and resent certain other kinds of Collies hogging the limelight, even though they're not NEARLY as thin or as spotty. Borders are also infamous for chewing holes in walls and furniture, and digging holes out of boredom. So like us.

German Shepherd

4. German Shepherd

German Shepherd is both the name of a wonderful breed of dog, and also a conceivable job title. Friends of human German shepherds must get a real kick out of that, which is why "Make friends with a German Shepherd" is one place higher on my life goals list than "Own a German Shepherd", despite the breed's well-documented good temper and excellent companionship. As cool as they look all grown up, they also make the most adorable puppies. Go google "German Shepherd Puppies" right now. You'll thank me later.


3. Labrador

Labradors are often used as seeing eye dogs, meaning they're the only breed of dog on earth to be a better person than people are. Like cake, they come in yellow or chocolate. And, also like cake, they make life better, especially if you serve 'em up neatly slices with some ice cream. Wait, what were we talking about again that wasn't cake?

Golden Retriever

2. Golden Retriever

Second place?! They're going to have to start calling this thing a Silver Retriever, if that kind of logic makes any sense at all, which I'm pretty confident it does. Golden Retrievers as pretty much the everydog. The symbol of the all-american family. It's kind, gentle, and goes nuts if you stop petting it for even a second. That would get annoying in a lesser dog, but why would you ever want to stop petting this thing?

Siberian Husky

1. Siberian Husky

The time has come to name the champion Dog. Unfortunately it's not the dog Champion from Parks and Recreation, but he gets a special commendation. Well played, sir, but Siberian Huskies are the best of the best today. What is it about these dogs that makes them winners? Is it their piercing ice-blue eyes? Their tireless strength and work ethic? The fact that they're about as close as we're getting right now to owning actual wolves? It's all of the above, as well as the fact that their puppies are about the cutest things known to man and that they're from Russia. Seriously, when was the last time a genetically inferior being came out of Russia. Not only are these things the best, but they're going to live forever. All hail Huskies!