We can all agree that Arbor Day is the lamest holiday, but what's the best holiday? Vote now or you'll never get any presents ever again.
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For those of you unfamiliar with the earlier seasons of The Simpsons, know you are a lesser being unworthy of love and respect. Also know Whacking Day is an annual event in Springfield honoring that most noble of traditions: hitting snakes repeatedly until they die.
Not only have countless men and women laid down their lives to preserve domestic and global freedom over many years, but on the day honoring their commitment, you get to stay home from work, sit in your sweatpants, and watch TV (running on a regular, non-holiday schedule) all day. God Bless America.
If low-stakes, low-effort holidays are your kind of thing, you're either my dad or someone who's going to be celebrating Festivus this year. Festivus makes away with all that disingenuous crap bogging down the traditional holiday season (cheer, giving, family) and focuses on things everyone actually cares about. Traditional Festivus activities include "Feats of Strength" and "The Airing of Grievances", as well as a strict "no decorations" policy. Were it not for the non-alcoholic dinner portion of the holiday, it'd pretty much be any night in an all-male male college dorm.
If I have one gripe with some of the better annual events, it would be longevity. No sooner has a Half-Birthday or Kwanzaa passed us by that we're left staring down a full calendar year before we can truly celebrate once again. Robanukah sees to this nicely, and is observed for a full fortnight, the sole purpose of which is to drink heavily and not do any work. Does anyone want to come over later for an early Robanukah?
An annual holiday celebrating Mexican heritage and pride. Cinco de Mayo is not the Mexican independence day, which falls on September 16th, which is a fun, little-known fact outside of people who really love condescending their friends with obscure, snarky trivia.