Calendars

15. Calendars

Giving presents at Christmas isn't only about the usability of the gift, but what you're saying on a personal level to the recipient, and calendars fail miserably on both these fronts. The point of calendars hasn't existed for the past few years, and what you're saying with one pretty much amounts to "I know the internet exists, but please enjoy these 12 pictures of cute animals/babes in bikinis anyway."

A Christmas Tree Ornament

14. A Christmas Tree Ornament

Really, what? The tree's been up for a week already and you have the gall to waltz in here, take one look at my decoration effort and donate to me a gift that's about as subtle as a piece of paper saying "I can do better"? Fuck you.


Novelty Anything

13. Novelty Anything

Don't get me wrong, a rubber-something stocking-filler here and there is just fine, but what goes through the mind of someone whose sole gift of the season is something that might as well be a dog toy?

Games for the Wrong Game System or DVDs for a BluRay Player

12. Games for the Wrong Game System or DVDs for a BluRay Player

It's called RESEARCH, Aunt Beatrice. You idiot.

A Star Named After You

11. A Star Named After You

What this present lacks in any enjoyment, happiness, or gratitude on behalf of the recipient , it makes up for in the opportunity to make fun of the moron who spent $20 on a certificate which means absolutely nothing. And, in the end, isn't that what any one of us truly wants?