We Guy

5. "We" Guy

Let's get this absolutely clear: if you are not currently employed by a sports team, then the only thing you can conceivably ever have done for them is to have one day decided you liked them better than all the other sports teams. Congratulations. You like something. Still, the "We" guy is an important fixture of the sports world. There's something warm and romantic about considering yourself a part of the team you've chosen to follow, just as long as you're not one of those ones that'll still use "they" when they lose.

Family Man

4. Family Man

The family man's fatal miscalculation was assuming the crowd in the "limited view" section would be any less drunk or rowdy. His kids are just about ready for their first foray into the world of stadium competition, but they'll have beer tipped over them and will cry twice before the first quarter's over. And yes, the concessions stand is out of napkins.

Sports Nerd

3. Sports Nerd

On the off-chance you just can't wait to read the ESPN recap to find out how many times a player has done a particular thing they did, seat yourself close to a Sports Nerd. They'll be wowing you throughout the game with fun little factoids and horrifying you with less-fun, extensive factoids.

The Die Hard Fan

2. The Die Hard Fan

In Europe, there's a special segment of any arena devoted to the away support. A small oasis of kinship in a sea of whatever-isn't-your-team's-colors. Not so in US Sports, where the logical response to selling tickets was "throw anyone anywhere and let them hash it out." It's almost heartening to see the Die Hard Fan giving it his all, surrounded by jeering/sulking (depending on the score) home fans. It would probably be a little more heartening if he's found one friend to go with him, though.

One of the Guys

1. One of the Guys

It's 2013, but that doesn't mean the sight of a genuinely invested girl fan is any less disconcerting to most sports enthusiasts. But it's not like she cares. She's there to watch the game, drink some brews, and have a good time. If she freaks out a few squares along the way, it's a happy bonus.