Coffee Hits My Stomach

by Streeter Seidell on July 08, 2008

Stomach: OK, let's get some enzymes on that bread he ate last night. We should really start breaking it down.
Enzymes: Do we have to?
Stomach: Welllllll, I guess not. Maybe we can wait till after he eats lunch. I'm pretty tired.
Enzymes: Us too. We were up late working on those Buffalo wings from two nights ago and....
Coffee: OH YEAH, MOTHERF*CKERS!
Stomach: What the...
Coffee: ARE WE READY TO DIGEST SOME FOOD!?!?!?!
Enzymes: We were going to wait till...
Coffee: SUCK IT UP!!!!! LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!
Stomach: You're hurting me!
Coffee: SHUT IT, PUSSY! NOW GET THIS MOTHERF*CKING FOOD OUT-A-HERE!
Enzymes: It's not all digested yet. If we send it out it could rupture something.
Coffee: Do you hear that?
Stomach: Hear what?
Coffee: WEAKNESS!
Enzymes: That's not fair! We work down here all day and all night digesting this stuff. It's hard work, coffee. It takes time.
Coffee: BULLSH*T! I can do your whole workload in one minute!
Stomach: Yeah right.
Coffee: WATCH ME, SUCKAS!

Me: Ooh, I'll be right back honey. I have to, uh, take a shower.