I'm stuck with these three girls are nicknamed the "herpes whores" in a suite style dorm. They are trashy, nasty girls with respect for other people's stuff. I begun to lose my sanity when they were using a shit ton of my expensive salon brand conditioner. The stuff doesn't won't even work on their fake, bone dried hair because it's for non damaged, natural hair ONLY, yet they... Read More »
Where's The Beef?
Well, the following account is a few years old, but I remember quite clearly, as if they had happened just yesterday. To set the stage, at the time, I was in my mid twenties. The roommate I was with was in his fifties. The company I worked for at the time put employees from different shifts into housing units. At first, things went rather well with said roomy. We got along quite nicely, and we didn't have any problems between us. As time rolled on however, things started to go downhill. Now, i love to cook. I tell myself that if I hadn't learned how to cook when I was younger, I'd have starved a long time ago. Me being the considerate roommate that I am, when I made something for myself, I always made some for him as well. First incident with my cooking my roomy took to issue with was one night I had made a big ol' pot of potato soup. I've always made potato soup without any kind of meat in it. It's how I grew up eating it, and it's how I continue to eat it. Well, he took issue with the apparent lack of meat in the soup, to which I handed him a can of chunk chicken and told him "go to town." I let that one slide. The second, and last incident, with my cooking said roomy took was with meatloaf and scalloped potatoes for dinner. He took one bite out of it, and after swallowing the first bite, exclaimed "this isn't how my wife makes meatloaf!" Without missing a beat, my retort was "do i look like your wife?" He thought for a moment and responded, "no, but this still isn't how my wife makes meatloaf." At that point, I had had enough. I told him "if you don't like it, don't eat it." The next day, i talked to my boss and requested I be put in a new housing unit with a different roommate. Took a couple months, but I had finally gotten to move out. Up until that time, I had stopped cooking anything in the house, and started eating at the chow hall. He occasionally worked up the nerve to ask why I "didn't cook anything anymore." I just bit my tongue and remained quiet. To this day, I'm the only roomy that was able to survive one year with said fifty year old roomy. Everyone else didn't make it nearly as long.
My friend and I always like to mess with each other. One day I had met this girl and things were going pretty well, but because I knew he used to be into her, I asked to see if it was ok. He promptly gave me the thumbs up, but, as part of our ongoing prank war, texted her asking her out for me, when we barely knew eachother. It quickly weirded her out and ruined my chances, but... Read More » I had to get him back. He thought he had a chance (he didn't) with a super hot girl at our school. When I offered him her number he took it. Secretly I gave him my other friend's #, who was pretending to be the girl. They texted and even set up plans. He had the awkwardest conversation the next day when, in person, he really did talk to the girl and asked "Why weren't you there?" She was so confused and it was always awkward between them.
Well, I know now that you talk MAJOR shit about me with literally everyone I know... You know I have to say I'm not that surprised because it seems to be all that you do, but I thought we were close friends. I mean, I was the one to help you when you were embarrassingly throwing up all over yourself and others at a party while your longterm "marriage potential" boyfriend didn't... Read More » help AT ALL and only held the umbrellas while I had to carry your drunk puke smelling heavy ass 7 blocks by myself? HA WELL ANYWAYS, so I know you're really into conditioning your hair since its curly and what not so I took the liberty of peeing in your fancy conditioner this morning when I took a shower. Sorry.
- Hey, Hoe. Remember how you dumped me, saying how I treated you wrong, despite doing whatever I humanly could to help you out? Well, I found out your dirty, little secrets. How you cheated on me multiple times and even said the reason we're dating is so when I graduate, I'll be making money. Well, while going through your room, grabbing whatever that's mine, I found your weed... Read More » stash. I took whatever you had, leaving just enough for you to smoke in your pipe. Why? Because I wiped my ass with it. Oh, and you work hat, too.
you ran over my dog left her their for 2 hours then called me a pussy when i cryed cus she had to be put down so it was me who shit on your bed stole 300 from you and i also called your mom and told about your weed and booze and got you cut off good luck dick
uPick is a new feature on CollegeHumor where YOU the user upload a story or picture to a category. You then vote up or down these stories as you see fit.