in 8th grade i was almost arested for selling fake pot at school to a kid and was kicked out of school for six weeks for selling some stuff i found on the ground
Plastic Joe
So my uncle steals credit cards. It's kind of his thing. They once called him 'Plastic Joe' on the news, which he wildly objected to, claiming that it made him sound "like a Goddamn vibrator!" Anyway, when I was 11, the cops were raiding our house, looking for evidence to incarcerate my dear, misguided uncle. The whole family is on the porch, and my lazy-eyed dog will not stop barking at the asshole police. They tell us that we had better shut the dog up, because he does have the authority to shoot it. I'm thinking that if he even tries to shoot my dumbass mouth breather dog, I'll punch him in the tooth. A couple of minutes later, another officer comes out of the house, and slams down a comically large orange envelope on the table, and blank credit cards and credit card paraphernalia spill out everywhere. The officer has death in his eyes, and demands to know who the envelope belongs to. Nobody says anything. But then smart ass 11 year old me stands up, and says dramatically, "Officer. Those are obviously mine. I'm a mafia crime lord. They call me Plastic Joe." I extend my wrists for cuffs. "Be gentle." The shit hits the fan. The officers get furious, my grandma is trying to tell them I was obviously joking, my sister is calling me stupid, and my uncle is laughing his balls off. 11 year old girl: 1 Cops: 0 Well, I mean...my uncle did end up getting arrested. So...maybe it's a tie.
This is a story of when I first moved to Austria. I lived in the outer edge of town, and often walked just outside the boarder to catch a train back into the city because THAT was faster. The suburban area was really quiet at night and I felt really free when I'd be coming home at 3am or whatever, so I would often take little shortcuts and walk through places that weren't meant... Read More »
When I was a junior in highschool randomly we would organize a fight club right after school. We would always get a huge crowd formed into a circle. One time the cops came and everyone ran off. I ran to a street a few blocks away with my friend. We thought we were in the clear, a cop drove up from behind and began talking to us. After a few minutes he messaged in on his radio "... Read More »
My friends and I bought a hookah around October, and being the fine, upstanding citizens that we are, we only smoke it outside, and not in our dorms, exactly twenty feet away from the door to our building. Now we, being college students, also love bud, and have been known to occasionally put some mary-j in our bowl along with the shisha. We've always gotten away with this, as... Read More »
I had just gotten my real license 3 weeks earlier (after 6 months of a learners permit) and was out driving to my friend's house. I was in a quiet residential area out of the way, so I figured it would be fine to break the speed limit by about 10-15 mph since there were surely no cops around. But sure enough, I blazed past a police car, all the while doing 40 in a 25. There go... Read More »