I purchased my wife a Garmin watch that had GPS and heart rate monitor etc. Most importantly for her it shows how many calories she's burned. So one week after doing a lot of running and biking she starts talking about how many more calories she burned when she does exercises that keep her heart rate up above 80% her max. To which I leaned in and whispered in her ear that maybe... Read More »
Whether you're dating, in love, or just Facebook stalking, relationships are weird.
Love me Some Goats...
I met this guy several weeks ago who never really talked to me that much; occasionally, he would invite me to drink with him through a mutual friend. Then this past weekend, he spent both Friday and Saturday trying to get me drunk off my ass. Finally, I'd had enough of this kid, so my friends and I decide to mess with him. So this is how the conversation went: Him: What u doing? Me: Having an honors only orgy Him: Umm I have the grade to be in honors lol Me: Well apply, and if you get in we'll consider allowing you to join the next one Him: I couldn't sneak into this one? Me: Well I suppose, if and only if you bring whipped cream, chocolate sauce, cherries, and a goat, preferable an ovulating female goat Him: Umm how about some ever clear or vodka? Me: I think you're missing the point. We need a soberr goat. she can't have vodka or everclear. If anything, she likes appletinis on the dry side Him: Don't worry, I've got a martini glass and some Mott's apple juice set and ready to go. Me: change of plans. Already got the goat off the black market. To take part in this, we need 2 lbs of plutonium, no questions asked. Him: is that kosher? Me: i'm not Jewish. If you want part in this, you're going to have to expand your boundaries Him: I am down what you want me to do? Me: We need 16 condoms, duct tape, a rape whistle in case things get out of hand, a gallon of bubble bath liquid, pixie dust, and serran wrap Him: I got all of that I will be there in a sec Me: 213 North (we're actually in 206) At this point, my 3 friends strategically place themselves throughout the hall waiting for him. After 10 minutes, he doesn't show. Me: are you coming? Him: I just went to the room and you weren't there. My friend opens the door in 206..and he's standing right there. Creep.
One night me and a girl i had been dating were watching a movie when things started to get hot. This resulted in her giving me head and when I came it somehow found its way out her nose. Bit of an awkward moment, but one of our favorite stories.
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